Dwight: Excuse me, I have to run to my car, to take a dump.
Kevin: wish my car had a bathroom.

Where are gay men's vaginas?

There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's a father of her child?

He and the senator are gaying each other.

It's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn.

Trevor: Is it safe to talk?
Dwight: Well this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them, so I think we're good.

I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes.

It's business women and their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders.

Dwight: He used to fight dogs.
Pam: Like he used to make dogs fight or he actually fought dogs?
Dwight: Little of this, little of that.

Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off.

It's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill.

What lab did these little clones escape from?

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael