Ed Quotes
Ted: You are so beautiful.
Maggie: That was worth the wait! You are a stallion!
Sir, we've got some complaints that the new discount stethoscopes you ordered are uncomfortably tight. I contacted the manufacturer, but apparently he's decided to focus more on his hand-made smoking paraphernalia.
Ted
Ted: There you are you deaf bastard! I hate you so much everytime you utter my name I want to stick my fist all the way down your throat and watch you slowly choke on it.
Dr. Kelso: Ted, I can hear now.
Ted: Who's Ted?
Ted: Are you okay Dr... (Voice fades out to incomprehensible sounds)
Dr. Kelso's Narration: Sweet dancing Jehovah, I've punctured my brain!
Dr. Kelso: (on the phone) Darling, I wanna say something. For the past 25 years, we've been going through the motions - once every couple of weeks we have sex, and then we have breakfast without saying a word. Well, tonight, I want you to put on a nice dress, because I'm gonna take you to dinner and I'm gonna start telling you all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years... I love you, too.
Ted: That was...beautiful, sir!
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, Ted. Call my wife, tell her I won't be home tonight.
Ted: Sir, about Nurse Espinosa and Dr. Reid's suspensions, really there aren't any grounds to punish them for moonlighting, because they weren't working with people - just animals.
Dr. Kelso: "Just animals"? Oh, please, this dog is smarter than most people. He's definitely smarter than you.
Ted: Sir, I don't think-
Dr. Kelso: Baxter, sit!
Baxter sits
Dr. Kelso: Ted, sit!
Ted sits
Carla: Ted, you don't have to!
Ted: Shut up! I can win this!
Dr. Kelso: Baxter, speak!
Baxter barks
Dr. Kelso: Ted, speak!
Ted: Hellooooooooo!
Dr. Kelso: Baxter, left foot!
Baxter raises his left paw
Dr. Kelso: Ted, left hand!
Ted raises his right hand
Elliot: Left hand, Ted.
Lawyer: Hellooooooooooo!
Dr. Kelso: Okay, everyone, listen up: It came to my attention that Dr. Brogan here has been moonlighting over at County Medical. Now, if he were to kill someone over there, great; but if he were to make a mistake here because of how tired he was from working at his other job, then my hospital would be liable. So, Ted, why don't you tell everyone what my policy on moonlighting is.
Ted: No... moonlighting.
Dr. Kelso: Now, Dr. Brogan will be suspended without pay for one week, but on the plus side, he gets to run around in my backyard wearing a foam suit so I can see if my dog Baxter's attack classes were worth the money!
Carla: Okay, I paged Dr. Kelso. Do you feel confident about this, Ted?
Ted: I'm not sure. I don't know what confidence feels like.
Dr. Kelso: Why are you here?
Elliot: My boyfriend is in New Zealand for six months, and if I don't moonlight, then I'm never gonna have enough money to see him.
Carla: My wedding's costing twice as much as I thought it would, and I need the extra cash.
Ted: Baxter won't get out of my chair.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, great news: I managed to swing it so that you get to go over to the state pen. today and do the annual inmates' physicals!
Dr. Cox: Well, hell's bells, Bobbo, if you want to fire me, just do it!
Dr. Kelso: I would, but even though this room was quite crowded when you sucker-punched me, apparently nobody saw it happen.
Ted snickers under his breath and Kelso glares at him.
Ted: Uh, saw what happen, sir?
Ted: So, you're engaged to that surgeon guy?
Carla: Mm-hmm.
Ted: Is it serious?
Carla: No, Ted. We swing.
Intern: You gonna go to the hemoglobin lecture?
Ed: No can do other Indian guy, I'm about to go get some pizza!
