Elliot Reid Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Who's a whore?
Elliot: That'd be me, sir!
Dr. Kelso: Oh.. of course!
J.D.'s Narration: After a day like today, there's really only one thing you can do.
(Cut to a bar with J.D., Elliot, Turk and Carla present)
J.D.: (Making a toast) To bad radiologists!
Dr. Cox: (Entering) Wait, wait, let me get in on this. Let's also have a toast to Mr. Foster's widow and his fatherless kids. (Raises his beer bottle and drinks)
Elliot: Dr. Cox, it wasn't our fault!
Dr. Cox: No, because you were lucky. You know as well as I do that it could have been any one of your faults. Congrats again. Have a, eh, have a swell party. (Walks out)
J.D.'s Narration: It's never easy when someone accuses you of screwing up...especially when you know it's true.
I've been making out with a married man while his sick child slept a few feet away. Oh my god! I've become my mother!
Elliot: Did you...eat my mango body butter?
J.D.: No!
J.D.'s Narration: I shmeared it on a bagel.
Elliot: J.D.! There is no way that I'm gonna be able to pull this off! In a few hours, I'm going to have a room full of specialists firing questions at me! I'm gonna be a bigger fraud than Barry Bonds!
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, you know he's an athlete of some kind. Just say something general!
J.D.: Still, I love it when Bonds wins at the game that he plays...
Dr. Kelso: Eh, Dr. Reid, our hospital lecture series is tonight, and our psychologist, Dr. Burke, had to cancel his talk on fear of public speaking.
Elliot: Why, because he's afraid of speaking in public? Heh. Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: No, uh, his depression finally got the best of him, and he hung himself.
Elliot: Okay, rocktors - heh, that's my name for doctors who rock next patient!
J.D.'s Narration: Ever since her fellowship, Elliot loved that her interns saw her as an endocrinology expert.
Male Intern: Dr. Reid, why would Mr. Baum develop new onset diabetes and high blood pressure simultaneously?
Elliot: Well, as an endocrinology expert, heh, in my expert opinion, both can be expertly explained by a pituitary adenoma causing Cushing's syndrome.
Dr. Cox: Hate to burst your bubble, there, Barbie, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity seeing as it's roughly five times as long as any of your white, pasty relationships have lasted. But trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.
Dr. Cox: Therefore, Mr. Langley's pancreatitis is most likely secondary to gallstones.
Elliot: Wrong-o, Perry! Mr. Langley's pancreatitis is most likely due to type 1 familial hyperlipoproteinemia as demonstrated by the eruptive xanthomas on his achilles tendon!
Interns: Ooooooh!
Dr. Cox: Interns! Flee! Now! Now there is just no way you could have known that off the top of that straw-covered scarecrow head of yours!
Elliot: Ah! Hold on! I need to take a quick mental picture of your total humiliation! Got it.
Dr. Cox: There-there are actually many things in life that I've yet to figure out, like why men wear cellphones on their belt when they could so easily fit them in their pocket mere millimeters away. Or why - and I'm not complaining - women wear tube-tops even though every ten seconds it makes them do this: [Grabs at his tee-shirt, as if hiking it up over imaginary breasts] Get back in there! But, of all my endless queries, the one thing I damn sure will figure out - and soon - is how you keep coming up with all these fancy-pants answers. It is, for all intents and purposes, like they're falling from the sky.
Elliot: We should have just believed Mr. Peele. I mean, it's not like somebody just poos their pants for no reason.
J.D.: Turk did that in college on a bet.
Turk: Carla did not know that story. Thank you.
Elliot: Mrs. Peele, even though Dr. Turk is currently incapacitated by his cherry-flavored beverage, he is a fantastic surgeon-
Turk: Uh-huh.
Elliot: ...and he didn't find anything. And I am a great doctor-
Turk: Ehhh.
Carla, I don't photograph well. On my driver's license, I look like Gary Busey.
J.D.'s Narration: Around here, everyone has some sort of morning ritual... Whether it's getting help on the daily word jumble from your dyslexic tracheotomy patient...
Elliot: Uh, T P I P O E.
Marcia: "Pot pie."
Elliot: Save your voice, Marcia. Mm, save it.
