Elliot Reid Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: I really missed living with Turk, but living with Elliot wasn't that bad.
Elliot: Hey, roomie! I'm having the girls from my yoga class over for drinks tonight. And F.Y.I., Tina, the tiny brunette, just got dumped - and she's looking for rebound sex! Honestly, how could I be a better roommate?
J.D.'s Narration: She could be half Turk and half Elliot.
Elliot: At this clinic, I get to practice medicine for people who really need me. I mean, honestly, I feel like I belong here.
Orderly: Dr. Cole just got stabbed in the parking lot and we're out of gauze. Is it cool if I take lunch?
Elliot: This place is crushing my soul.
J.D.: (To Carla) You knew she worked here? I can't believe you kept a secret. Remember before your wedding when you sold me out to Turk?
Carla: You showed up drunk at my shower screaming through tears that I'd never be as emotionally connected to him as you are!
J.D.: Turk knew I was joking.
J.D.'s narration: Because we're so emotionally connected.
Turk: Elliot, nobody respects clinic doctors.
Elliot: Really, Turk? I think your hernia patient does.
Turk: (Laughs) I'm not upset about that.
Carla: It's obvious you are.
J.D.: It's more obvious to me baby...I mean Turk.
Elliot: I'm proud? Carla! After the wedding, you wouldn't even take Turk's name!
Carla: I use it for official things!
Elliot: Letting him call you Mrs. Turk in the bedroom isn't official.
Turk: But it is officially hot!
Carla: So anyways, we figured if I offered to do the nursing schedules, and these guys volunteered to do extra shifts at the clinic, Dr. Kelso might give you your job back!
Elliot: No, thanks.
Carla: Why?
Fantasy
Elliot: Carla, I can't do your paperwork, I am swamped!
Carla: I got you your job back.
Cut to...
Elliot: Turk, I am not giving you my last tater-tot!
Turk: I got you your job back!
Cut to...
Elliot: J.D.! I don't care if they're able to successfully attach one person's limbs onto another person's body - I am not giving you my hands!
J.D.: Job back!
Elliot: Look, I know this place isn't the greatest, but it's not like I lie awake thinking about being yelled at by Dr. Cox or playing Jiggly Ball with the orderlies.
J.D.'s Narration: How do I not know about this game!?
Elliot: I cannot believe that you told these guys!
Turk: Elliot, she didn't. My patient told me that his clinic doctor was this blonde-haired woman who talked so fast and in such a high-pitched voice when she was upset, her words just eventually became gibberish.
Elliot(Increasingly high pitched): I really do not talk like that. I'm getting pretty tired of you guys constantly saying (gibberish)!
Carla: Elliot, sweetie, nobody but me can understand you.
J.D.: Guys, why?
Carla: The Janitor told us that if we pretended to know about Jiggly Ball, we get to throw tennis balls at you.
Turk: And I couldn't pass it up, dude!
Elliot: I got my shift covered! Heh!
J.D.: I could see where it would be funny from the outside of the circle...
Elliot: (On phone) All right, now repeat after me...
Mr. Keck: "You can't decide for me, that's not your duty."
Elliot: (On phone) And are they both trying not to laugh at the word "duty"?
Mr. Keck: (On phone) Yeah. (To Turk and J.D.) Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, you know what? No surgery.
Turk: (Grabs phone) Who the hell is this?
Man: (On phone) Where are my shoelaces?
Elliot: I said to tell him that he had a laxity in the peritoneal wall and that surgery was unnecessarily invasive! Was that so hard?
Look, Lorraine, the sooner you let me have a look at that rash, the sooner we can get you back home... I mean, back on the street, which is your home. Hey! Home Street Home, huh?... I'm sorry, Lorraine, that was incredibly insensitive.
Orderly: (Handing Elliot a chart) This guy has an S.T.D., and he definitely doesn't want his wife to find out.
Elliot: (Walks in, sees Kelso)
Dr. Kelso: Crap.
Elliot: How is it going?
J.D.: Well, my bike is rusty, I haven't been able to feel my genitals since they first touched the water and the only thing I've had to eat all days is half a jelly fish!
