Willie: What's that?
Principal Skinner: We didn't want to leave you out of the digital revolution. Willie, meet your new supervisor.
Willie: I have to take orders from a machine?
Principal Skinner: Oh it can't speak, but should it ever learn, yes.

Willie: You want me to carve it into a thank-o-lantern?
Lisa: No, this is good.
Willie: Well, this knave's got to carve something.

Lisa: Willie, I love your chaps.
Willie: Me pants are ripped out.

Ghost: How could you mistake him for me?
Willie: It was that sassy mouth that got you killed in the first place.

Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.
Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?
Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.

Ah only took this refereein' gig 'cause ah was cold and they gave me this shirt.

Teens? In Willie's hidey-hole? I'll mop up your blood from the inside!

Groundskeeper Willie: I'll bring those kids back dead or alive!
Skinner: Not DEAD!
Groundskeeper Willie: Aw, you never let Willie be Willie!

You strays are going straight to the pound where you'll be put to sleep... by my boring stories. And then you'll be killed!

</i> Dogcatcher Willie

Lisa: Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist.
Groundskeeper Willie: From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.

Principal Skinner: Willie, go into the vent and get him.
Groundskeeper Willie: What!? Have ye gone waxy in yer beester? I canna fit in the wee vent, ye croquet-playin' mint-muncher!
Principal Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in, you guff-speaking work-slacker.
Groundskeeper Willie: Ooh. Good comeback.

Groundskeeper Willie: (Speaking into a microphone) If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the lot of ya, and burn yer town to cinders!
(A man whispers something into his ear.)
Groundskeeper Willie: I know it's on!

The Simpsons Quotes

(Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
Bart: and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
All: EWW!!
Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
All: EWWWWW!!
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
(The whole classroom screams)

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!