Favorite Hermes Quotes
Farnsworth: Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye.
Leela: Uh, Professor?
Farnsworth: Oh, oh, yes, the announcement! As you all know, I am not long for this world.
Leela: Yes, we know.
Hermes: True, mon.
Amy: Buh!
Fry: One foot in the grave.
Vernon: Professor Farnsworth, do you know why we've called you here today?
Farnsworth: Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth: It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies". And Dr. Wernstrom... Wernstrom!
Vernon: Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... Surprise!
Man #1: Surprise!
Man #2: Happy birthday!
Hermes: Surprise!
Farnsworth: And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say "Coach hairpiece"?
Hermes: OK, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen.
Leela (reading): Death by airlock failure.
Hermes: Mm.
Leela: Death by brain parasite.
Hermes: Yeah.
Leela: Death by sonic diarrhoea?
Hermes: Oh, you don't want that!
Leela: Look, I don't know about any of your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.
Hermes: Sign the paper.
Amy: You think you saw a mermaid?
Fry: No, I did see a mermaid! She was wearing a tube top and she had a beautiful scaly tail. And I think she had hair extensions.
Bender: Yeah, right!
Leela: Sure she did.
Hermes: OK, Fry!
Farnsworth: You're simply hallucinating, you... moron.
Leela: OK, everyone, calm down. The Professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater, you'll go out and look for food.
Fry: I'd better go too. They don't know what I like.
Hermes: Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugar cane truck.
Leela: The sun, the sea air, good friends.
Bender: Leela's right, fishing blows. Whattya say we make it interesting?
Hermes: Why not?
Amy: Yeah.
Farnsworth: Yeah, cool.
Bender: Everybody kick in five bucks. (Everyone hands him $5) There, wasn't that interesting?
Hermes: Exciting news, people. The pet licence I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived!
Leela: Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler.
Hermes: Dream on, woman! I'd like to put the little basta'd in a sack and toss the sack in a rivah and hurl the rivah into space! But I DO like fillin' out requisitions, and these were some doozies!
(tears open envelope)
Hermes: Great Ja's Dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up! This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license... and its mandatory!
Bender: So, how 'bout I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt?
Elzar: I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable.
Hermes: Oh, Bender's a model employee.
Amy: He's so polite.
Leela: And hard-working.
Fry: He's made of candy.
Amy: A bill?
Leela: You're charging us? After you blinded me?
Elzar: Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity.
Fry: $1200?
Farnsworth: Holy Zombie Jesus!
Hermes: We don't have that kind of money. Especially not Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: They took away my credit card.
Hermes: According to government records, the only names not yet trademarked are "Popplers" and "Zittzers".
Fry: I know, we'll call them Popplers!
Bender: Good idea.
Zoidberg: Oh, yeah, why not?
Amy: You sure picked it.
Fry: Swish!
Hermes: Oh, man, I'm inhaling these things! You guys scored some primo stuff here.
Zoidberg: They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest.
Where in funkytown is the Professor?
