Hermes: No, I want to live. Organising that forced-labour spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy.
LaBarbara: My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labour is now done by a single Australian man.

Morgan: I'm afraid he's lost in the master in pile, and it would take some sort of giant, mechanical, atomic-powered sorting machine to find him.
Hermes: You rang?
Farnsworth: Damnit, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

Hermes: Look at that: The carts go out full but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient.
Australian Man: Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

LaBarbara: This is no spa, it's a forced-labour camp.
Hermes: Curse that Dr. Zoidberg! If I get out of here, he'll be looking down the business-end of a shrimp fork.

Morgan: As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation.
Hermes: Oh! The ultimate penalty!

Sweet something of... someplace.

Morgan: Bureaucrat Conrad, if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit, you will be posthumously demoted.
Hermes: Life. Death. Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

Hermes: I'm going to jump!
Amy: No!
Zoidberg: No!
Bender: Do a flip!

Hermes: Who the hell are you?
Morgan: Morgan Proctor, bureaucrat grade 19.
Hermes: Hermes Conrad, bureaucrat grade 36.
Morgan: Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection?

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

Bender: Uh, it was ghosts! Big ones! And a tornado!
Hermes: Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick... at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Great cow of Moscow!

Futurama Quotes

(after he freezes Leela)
Fry: See ya' in a thousand years.
(Is about to leave, then comes back and switches it from 1000 years, to five minutes)
Fry: You owe me.

Leela: Look, I know it's not much consolation. But, I understand how you feel.
Fry: No, you don't. I've got no home, no family.
Bender: No friends.
Fry: My whole world is gone. You can't possible understand what it feels like to be so alone.
Leela: I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.