Favorite J.D. Quotes
J.D.: What is wrong with you? Is this because I called you "Smelliot"? Because I can't believe you haven't heard that before.
Elliot: J.D., I don't care if you call me that.
J.D.: Hey, everybody! She's cool with "Smelliot"!
Todd: Oh, so he can call you "Smelliot" but I'm not allowed to call you "Vagina Face"?
Elliot: Not the same, Todd!
Elliot: We-we really shouldn't feel weird about this. I mean, these things like this happen all the time.
J.D.: All the time!
Elliot: Yeah, it's, uh, it's really not a big deal.
J.D.: It's not a big deal!
Elliot: Okay, you've gotta stop repeating everything I say in that weird tone of voice.
J.D.: No more repeating
Carla: Your hair smells like Elliot's.
J.D.: Well, your breath smells like chimichangas!
Carla: Is that racist?
Elliot: That depends. Did you have chimichangas for breakfast?
Carla: Maybe...
J.D.: Does anyone know what the cause of death may have been?
Keith: Maybe when you leaned over to check his I.V., you smothered him to death with one your love handles.
J.D.: What did you say, Keith?
Keith: Dr. Reid told me if you picked on me I should stand up for myself. And that you're very sensitive about your doughy physique.
Elliot: What is that?
J.D.: It's our baby's crib.
Elliot: It looks like a trap. You trying to catch someone else's baby?
Turk: Bonnie is killing me; I'm telling you, I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try! She's like a ninja but worse!
J.D.: Nothing's worse than a ninja - they're masters of every style of combat.
Carla: Can we please talk about something other than Bonnie?
Elliot: I think you should give Bonnie a break. You know, it's really hard being a woman around here... you can walk through walls and nobody notices you.
J.D.: Not entirely unlike... a ninja!
J.D.: All the baby books say we'll be back to our normal sex life in about six weeks.
Turk: Those baby books are filled with lies. You don't know, it's crazy. You're gonna be changing diapers covered in spit up. You're not gonna have sex for a long, long, long time.
J.D.: No hide the penny?
Turk: No.
no me girl, you boy
Turk: No.
J.D.: No dirty Zulu warrior?
Turk: No, and that one's racist.
J.D.: There'll still be cuddling, right? Please tell me there'll be cuddling. I'm a man, I have needs.
Turk: She'll have a baby to cuddle with.
Turk: That bastard.
Dr. Cox: We are moving on!
J.D.: You heard him, people! We're moving on!
Dr. Cox: Oh, God help me.
J.D.: ...God help him!
J.D.: Agh!
J.D.'s Narration: My "me time" hand!
Dr. Cox: Newbie, do you happen to know what a zebra is?
J.D.: That patient just mocked me!
Dr. Cox: It's a diagnosis of a ridiculously obscure disease when it's much more likely that the patient has a common illness presenting with uncommon symptoms, in other words, if you hear hoof beats, you just go ahead and think horsies and not zebras, mkay mister silly bear?
Reporter: Excuse me, are you gentleman visiting the club?
Turk: No!... We're here protesting.
J.D.: I'm worried about the kids.
Reporter: So what's that in your pocket?
J.D.: Oh, this is just, um, it's thirty-eight dollars in singles... I-I bought a newspaper, and this is the change from my forty
Turk: How are Power Rangers as lucky as Tabasco?
J.D.: You remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed?
Turk: How did I miss that episode? Ohh, that's right - I was making love to a woman.
