Why would Julie just take off like that? I bet my body intimidated her. That's it! I'm selling that Bowflex on Craig's List.

All right Mrs. Nickels, your new hip is on the house 'cause this girl is smoking!

E.liot: Yeah, I'm sure you said something that sucked the romance out of the moment. You used to do that all the time when we were dating.
J.D.: Like when?
(Flashback to J.D. and Elliot in bed)
J.D.: Are you getting thicker, you feel thicker?

Elliot: Don't go to quickly, or like I said, you'll just end up with another beautiful girl.
J.D.: Dating my laptop.
Elliot: Dating your laptop. Thank you.

Stay away from my girlfriend, Elliot! And stay away from my J.D. wigs!

J.D.: How did you know I'd move too fast with Julie?
Elliot: Because I know you!
Dr. Cox: How do you know that I can be that kind of dad?
Carla: Because I know you!
Turk: How did you that Kelso just wanted respect?
Janitor: Because I know him!
Todd: (Watching in the security cameras) Wow! This is so cool!

J.D.: I know, I haven't hit it in awhile but there's good reason for that.
Dr. Cox: Two good reasons: his face and his personality.

Thanks for doing that. I wanted a picture of us old, you know, that way if one of us dies in a tragic skiing accident we'll always have that memory of us together.

Turk: Dude, he keeps a hug schedule with his friends!
J.D.: Okay, Turk.. looks like someone's getting crossed off their 2 o' clock spot and getting penciled in for never! How does that feel? Does it sting?
J.D.'s Narration: He's hurting! Hug him.. hug him now!

Turk: Dude, don't sweat it - It says here that the ostrich is generally a docile creature.
J.D.: Thank God!
Turk: It also says their kick can kill a man!

J.D.: Don't be such a baby! It's a magnetic image. I apologize Mr. Foster. I'm a little upset. My scooter, Sasha, was assassinated this morning.
Turk: Yeah, he was so attached to that thing. He used to wear a bracelet that said "Sasha forever".
J.D.: Come on, Turk. It was just a joke. And I only wore it for one week.
J.D.'s wrist hits the machine
J.D.: Ok so I still wear the bracelet.

J.D.'s Narration: After a day like today, there's really only one thing you can do.
(Cut to a bar with J.D., Elliot, Turk and Carla present)
J.D.: (Making a toast) To bad radiologists!
Dr. Cox: (Entering) Wait, wait, let me get in on this. Let's also have a toast to Mr. Foster's widow and his fatherless kids. (Raises his beer bottle and drinks)
Elliot: Dr. Cox, it wasn't our fault!
Dr. Cox: No, because you were lucky. You know as well as I do that it could have been any one of your faults. Congrats again. Have a, eh, have a swell party. (Walks out)
J.D.'s Narration: It's never easy when someone accuses you of screwing up...especially when you know it's true.

Scrubs Quotes

Turk: With Marbury, I really believe New York has a shot at the title, man.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
Turk: Which sport are we talking about?
J.D.: I wanna say tennis...

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?