Favorite Jim Halpert Quotes
Kevin: What does a bean mean?
Pam: Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
Kevin: Michael, what does a bean mean.
Pam: Jim?
Jim: I was just trying to be unbiased.
Kevin: WHAT DOES A BEAN MEAN.
Oscar: Would someone please explain to Kevin?
Meredith: Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
Phyllis: Not according to the beans.
Dwight: Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
Jim: Well, in an ideal world-
Dwight: In an ideal world I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
Michael: Dwight, what's your middle name?
Dwight: Danger.
Michael: Something with a 'K'.
Jim: It's Kurt. Wow, I'm so sad I know that.
Jim: Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.
Dwight: You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.
Jim: I'm just gonna skip the what and go right to why.
Michael: Because this is the recreation of a crime scene!
Meredith: I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks.
Dwight: Shut up, you're dead.
Dwight: What are you doing?
Michael: What are you doing?
Dwight: Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
Michael: You, you like that?
Dwight: C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.
Michael: Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it.
Jim: Ding Dong.
Michael: [to Jim] Who's there?
Jim: KGB.
Michael: Dwight, get the door.
Dwight: I'm not answering it.
Michael: Answer the door.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: No way, it's the KGB.
Jim: Ding dong.
Dwight: I'm not answering that. You answer it.
Michael: I'm not gonna answer it
Dwight: I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.
Jim: The KGB will wait for no one!
Dwight: It's true.
Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.
Jim
Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
Dwight: [crying]
Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy... and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
Dwight: Attention everyone, I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring?
Jim: Yep. You're being replaced.
Pam: I think he meant personal day.
Dwight: Oh, that's quite a leap Pam.
Phyllis: I hope he's ok, I feel bad.
Creed: Give it up, he's dead.
Jim: He just sent a text.
Creed: What's a text?
Kevin: Who makes it?
Michael: Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery.
Phyllis: Look, it's got shoulder pads, and did you see that lining?
Michael: Okay.
Phyllis: Did you see...
Michael: Would you stop it, please?
Jim: So, none of that tipped you off?
Michael: It's European, OK? It's a European cut.
Pam: Michael, the pants don't have any pockets.
My job is to speak to clients, um, on the phone about, uh, quantities and, uh, type of copier paper. You know, uh, whether we can supply it to them, whether they can, uh, pay for it. And, um... I'm boring myself just talking about this.
Pam: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that's okay. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just... we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down and then he did the same to me, but you know what? It's okay. I am totally fine. Everything is going to be totally...
[Jim walks in]
Jim: Pam. [to camera] Sorry. [to Pam] Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: All right. Then... it's a date.
[Jim leaves, Pam smiles and tears up]
Pam: I'm sorry, what was the question?
