Favorite Jim Halpert Quotes
Oh my boss is singing "Closing Time."
Jim: Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.
Michael: I know where this is goin'.
Jim: Do ya?
Michael: No.
Jim: Ok. Remember Spider face?
Michael: No.
Jim: OK. 'Cause the quote was, cut off your nose to spiderface.
Michael: Spite her - okay.
Jim: Yeah.
Jim: Yikes.
Kevin: Already sent it to you my friend.
Jim: Fantastic.
Andy: Boring. Call me if she rolls over.
Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!
Michael: Jim, could you come in here please?
Harvey: Hi, Jim.
Jim: Hello.
Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Michael: Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
Jim: Yeah, you can.
IT Guy: You know generally it's not a good idea to click on offers that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer?
Pam: It was for a video.
IT Guy: Yeah, what kind of video?
Pam: A celebrity sex tape.
Jim: Really, what kind of celebrity?
Pam: Not relevant.
Jim: How much did you pay for it?
Pam: Not relevant.
Jim: You paid for it?
Pam: It all happened so fast.
Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Pam: Ugh.
Jim: Ugh.
Pam: Everything okay?
Jim: Oh yeah. Why?
Pam: Well you seem a little tired.
Jim: Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Yeah, I know I should.
Pam: Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.
Jim: No, I'm sure you're right.
Pam: When I get eight hours, compared to like six hours, like, big difference.
Jim: Really?
Pam: Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping. Better than not.
Jim: Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there.
Pam: Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk.
Dwight: You can't do that!
Jim: Why not?
Dwight: Safety violation. I could fall and pierce... an organ.
Jim [crossing his fingers]: We'll see. [to camera] See, this is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.
Dwight: Downsizing?!
Pam: Thank God you were there.
Michael: Yeah.
Andy: Did you see who did it?
Dwight: No need we can just check the security tapes.
Michael: Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was driving?
Pam: Oh, Michael.
Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Pam: You OK?
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You sure?
Jim: Yeah. Yes. Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen.
Pam: Oh. You want to talk about it?
Jim: Really?
Oscar: So, Pam told me you do a great Stanley impression. I'd love to hear it.
Jim: Oh, um. "Why do you keep CCing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
Stanley: Is that supposed to be me?
Jim: Oh, hey, Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.
Stanley: I do not think that is funny.
Pam: He does everyone in the office.
Stanley: Hmph. [leaves]
Jim and Pam: "I do not think that is funny."
I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
