Pam: Michael, she's perfect for you.
Oscar: She's the one.
Jim: She's amazing. This is very exciting.

Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: It's... a crime-fighting beaver.

Goldenface: Sorry about your friend, Scarn.
Michael Scarn: The joke's on you, Goldenface. That man's a wanted animal rapist.

I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress the receptionist who will remain nameless.

(as Goldenface) Oh someone's coming alright.. the only man who would care - Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here and I'm gonna kill everybody then I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife and I'm gonna hump her real good. Hahahaha!

Ryan (as NHL coach): On your marks. Get set...
Jim (as Goldenface): Die.

Gabe: Look at Jim and Pam. They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife.
Jim: Did it. Love it. Keep it goin'.

Pam: What else was there?
Jim: Bottomless champagne.
Pam: Yes. We never found that bottom did we?

Jim: Haven't you noticed that I don't bring up the Tour de France around him?
Michael: Yes!

He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gay Mexican.

Pam: Does anyone want to know where I've been for the past two hours?
Jim: Oh my God. I've been play zombie soccer for the past two hours?

Dwight: As a fellow Dunder Mifflin employee, I feel for you, but like you, I am completely powerless to the whims of the new building owner.
Jim: Which is you.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael