Jordan Sullivan Quotes
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I know that your ovaries are absolutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella, but you gotta snap out of it!
J.D.: Oh, I gotta get to that funeral.
Dr. Cox: Well, raise my rent if you're not off to see Tasty Coma Wife, aren't you! Her husband was in a coma so long, that she actually forgot what an attractive male looked like - enter Errol Flynn... whose conscience will not allow him to either swash or buckle her. But, since hubby is now worm food, I'm guessing all bets are off? Mm-hmm?
Jordan: Listen, later on, if you have trouble getting the baby to sleep? Just tell him that story. Yeah.
Jordan: All right, I will see you at home in about an hour. Remember to keep him warm, support his head, check his diaper every fifteen minutes; no bouncing around, no loud noise, no TV, no poking the soft spot. And, Perry, you're the only one in my life that I actually have to say this to: Do not yell at, demean, insult, criticize, humiliate, or mock the baby.
Dr. Cox: What are you talking about?
[Jack starts crying]
Dr. Cox: Waaaah!
Dr Cox: Now, have you bothered to name this thing yet?
Jordan: I'm thinking of naming him after my father.
Dr. Cox: "Tax E. Vader"?
Jordan: Quinn.
Dr. Cox: What about a heterosexual name, like Jack?
Jordan: You're right, Percival, "Quinn" is a foofy name.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan.
Jordan: You know, it's funny - I can't even be pissed and want you to die, screaming in agony, as two horses pull you apart when I'm looking at this beautiful face.
Dr. Cox: As much as it may seem like it, to me personally, I feel desperately compelled to remind you that we are in fact not in prison and am just so not your bitch.
Jordan: Watch your language in front of the baby.
Dr. Cox: You're gonna have to trust me on this one, seems as you're his mother, he's gonna hear that word early, and he's gonna hear it often. Like non-stop.
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. I gotta tell you about that day.
Jordan: I can't believe I haven't named him yet. I've been calling him Monkey Face all day - I think they would tease him at school.
Dr. Cox: Seriously, Jordan, I had this one patient-
Jordan: He's got a boodgie the size of a grape in his nose. Would you run back to the hospital and get me one of those suctiony thingies?
Dr. Cox: If I'm not back in twenty minutes, I don't want you to worry because it simply means I drove by a prostitute on the way home.
Jordan: Oh, make sure it's a girl.
Jordan: Oh! Perry, you pee standing up at work! That is so cute! Would you come on? We're on a very tight schedule.
Dr. Cox: You know, Jordan, with all the baby weight you haven't lost yet, I just went ahead and assumed you'd be used to tight things by now.
Jordan: Oh, that's lovely.
Dr. Cox: Now, in honor of this little goblin's arrival, I have gone ahead and taken care of everything: Dr. Gerson will be waiting to induce you; she will also administer the world's largest epidural. I have wealthily under-qualified residents covering all of my patients, so that I can be with you every step of the way. And, here's the kicker: I have traded every single one of my weekends, I have called in every favor, and I have kissed every pompous, wrinkled ass in this fluorescent hell-hole, so that I could secure for you the one and only mack-daddy, out-of-your-mind birthing suite in this entire hospital!
Jordan: Nice job, Alice.
Dr. Cox: Okay, here's the deal: You are, in fact, supposed to be up in the mack-daddy suite, but the woman who's in there is in her fortieth hour of labor.
Jordan: Did you explain to her that it is my room?
Dr. Cox: I started to, but then she screamed, grunted, and pooped on the table. God, it always cracks me up that they never tell pregnant women to expect that one!
Jordan: I'm going to poo in front of people!?
Dr. Cox: No... Yeah!
Dr. Cox: Well, then, Jordan, why don't we just think of today as-as a test run.
J.D.'s Narration: Other times, people react exactly how you think they will.
Jordan: Honestly, Perry, the only way I could have felt more taken care of is if I were at a four-star resort, or a spa... or a third-world country where you have to boil your own sewage if you want something to drink! Oh, and by the way? A giant, giant feather in your cap for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years.
Dr. Donna: I think having babies is so much fun! Don't you!
Jordan: I will choke her.
Dr. Cox: Please, Dr. Brulatti, no more talking.
Dr. Donna: Oh, you know, I really prefer "Dr. Donna"!
Dr. Cox: No means no, pep-squad. Now beat it.
