Jordan Sullivan Quotes
Dr. Cox: And it's just the way I called it! Grampa Goatee to win, Pee-Pants to place, and Wrong-Way Wally not to finish!
Carla: He does have glaucoma.
Jordan: Well, I should have been told that!
Dr. Cox: Oh hey there wait 'til you get a load of this, they're giving me a teaching award tonight so I'm gonna need you to go ahead and holster up 'the twins' as you'll be playing the role of "arm-candy".
Jordan: Yeah, I'm not going. If I wanna hear someone go on & on about how great you are, I'll just listen to you during sex.
Jordan: Oh, Pedro, I can't seem to find my pencil. Do you have any idea where it might be?
Pedro: Oh it's right there between your bosoms, ma'am.
Jordan: Ma'am??? You just ma'amed your way out of me ever buying you beer again!
Dr. Cox: Ah damn it Jordan, come on. Now you know I'm generally OK with you putting any poison you want into your body, but this is the first time I've ever won anything!
Jordan: It's not that bad.
Dr. Cox: Reeeaaally? Show me happy...
Jordan's face is motion-less.
Dr. Cox: Sad...
Again, Jordan's face doesn't move.
Dr. Cox: Silly...
Still nothing
Dr. Cox: Amused, bemused, c-mused...
Still nothing.
Dr. Cox: Show me angry.
Jordan puts a swift knee to his testicles.
Dr. Cox: AARRGGHH! Got angry down.
Dr. Cox: I'm hearing the hate but I'm not seeing the hate. You... Oh my God! Did you Botox you face into an expressionless mask?
Jordan: Pedro called me ma'am.
Jordan: (Motionless face and voice) Owwww! I think you separated my shoulder, the pain is excruciating.
Turk: What?
Jack: Flip.
Jordan: Flip? What does flip mean, Perry?
Dr. Cox: Jack probably thinks that Mommy and Daddy are being a little too sarcastic with each other.
Janitor: Maybe. Or, it's because every time he says "Flip", Daddy does a little trick where he grabs Jack by the ankles, he flips him upside down, he drops him down onto his shoulders, and then puts him in a little baby trapeze, shoots him across the sandbox without a net.
Jordan: I normally never let people touch him.
Janitor: Oh really? Because these photographs would beg to differ. Old lady, kissing Jack. Teenage girl, hugging Jack. Homeless man, holding Jack.
Dr. Cox: Jordan!
Jordan: That's just Carl. He holds Jack when I get a bikini wax!
Dr. Cox: Just a quick question. Why is it an accident, when he's with you, but when Jack gets hurt on my time, it's because I'm not careful enough?
Jordan: Because, I...
Dr. Cox: Oh dear God, you're speechless. I won! I won an argument! Jack, it's unprecedented. We'll be at the playground drinking beer. Oh God, we love beer!
Jordan: Jack's fine, but the doctor said if the cut was four inches to the left and seven inches deeper, it could have potentially scratched his eye.
Dr. Cox: That was a close one.
Jordan: Hi.
Dr. Cox: Hello there.
Jordan: What's with all the band-aids?
Dr. Cox: Oh, Jack was just getting nutty, having some fun. See, I even let him put one on me.
Jordan: Really? (She leans down and takes one of the band-aids off, revealing the stitches) Are those stitches?!
Dr. Cox: What are the odds you'd pick that one?
Jordan: What's the matter with me? I mean, I don't think twice about people holding him, and yet I obsess about things like broken arms, broken legs, choking, kidnapping, drowning, silly putty, bad babysitters, pretty babysitters...
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I pretty much freak out over staph infections, blood disease, mumps, measles, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and definitely all registered independents. So I think between us we've got everything covered.
Jordan: Was this taken at my mother's house?
Janitor: I gotta go.
