The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXKent Brockman Quotes
Joblessness is not just for philosophy majors anymore. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.
Springfield will have it's first annual "Do What You Feel" festival this Saturday whenever you feel like showing up. It will be a welcome change to our "Do As We Say" festival, started by German settlers in 1946.
A new mood is in the air in Springfield as refreshing as a pre-moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and really communicating with no holding back and this reporter thinks it's about (beep)ing time.
Kent Brockman: Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.
Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield museum destroyed.
Rainier: My son returns from a fancy east coast college and I'm horrified to find he's a nerd.
Kent: Haha, I'm laughing already.
Rainier: It's not a comedy.
Kent: Homer, organised labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Homer: AAAAHH!
Kent: Um, my director is asking me not to talk to you anymore.
Homer: Woohoo!
Kent Brockman: Tonight on Smartline, the power plant strike, Arglebargle or Fufferella. With us tonight our plant owner C.M. Burns, Union Kingpin Homer Simpson, and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers.
Dr. Joyce: I brought my own mic!
Kent Brockman: What have you been up to, Lurleen?
Lurleen Lumpkin: I spent last night in a ditch.
Kent: Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pie is on the scene.
(Arnie is doing a live remote by helicopter)
Arnie: Everything's snowed in! All I can see is white!
Kent: Arnie, please! The ski conditions.
Arnie: (Camera is upsidedown) Mayday! Mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I lo- (Static)
Kent: That's great, Arnie!
Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded Greenhouse Effect? Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter are the "price" of car pollution, forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.
Kent Brockman: Tonight on "Eye on Springfield," we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!
Man: *hic* Kill me! *hic* Kill me!
Let's take a look back at the year 1928. A year when you might have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole. It was also the year of the very virst Scratchy cartoon entitled "That Happy Cat." The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made.
