The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXLisa Simpson Quotes
Lisa: Dad and Ned Flanders friends? Hah! What's next? A's on Bart's report card?
(She, Marge and Bart laugh together)
Bart: (Stops laughing) Hey!
Lisa: Don't worry, Bart. It seems like every week something odd happens to the Simpsons. My advice is to ride it out, make the occasional smart-alec quip, and by next week we'll be back to where we started from, ready for another wacky adventure.
Bart: Ay, caramba!
Lisa: That's the spirit.
(The family watches Homer's launch on TV.)
Bart: Go, Dad, go!
Lisa: How doth the hero, strong and brave, a celestial path to the heavens paved!
(The family stares at her.)
Lisa: Go, Dad, go.
Lisa: Come on, Dad. You can make it!
Grampa: Oh, of course he'll make it, it's TV.
Lisa: Don't any of you notice something wrong with what Malibu Stacy says?
Girl: There's something wrong with what my Malibu Stacy says... (pulls string)
Malibu Stacy Doll: My spidey-sense is tingling - anyone call for a web slinger?
Lisa: Mom! We could go on the factory tour and I could complain in person!
Marge: Honey, you're not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you? The Keebler people were very upset.
Lisa: It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act; that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!
Bart: Just what I was going to say.
Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you.
Grampa: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you.
Homer: I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are!
Lisa: Thanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
Grampa: Ehh, why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty! Ew, what smells like mustard? There sure a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Oh! Look at that one.
(Homer parks the car in the driveway; everyone jumps out except Grampa.) Grampa: Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a Demmycrat. (Everyone rushes into the house) Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello? (Honks horn repeatedly)
Lisa: This is great. They're really going to sell our doll!
Stacy Lavelle: Well, it wasn't difficult. I just told them who I was, and who you were, and they couldn't resist.
Lisa: Really?
Stacy Lavelle: Well, I didn't tell them who you were.
Lisa: They cannot keep making dolls like this...something has to be done!
Marge: Lisa, ordinarily I'd say you should stand up for what you believe in. But you've been doing that an awful lot lately!
Bart: Yeah. You made us march in that gay rights parade!
Homer: And we can't watch FOX because they own those chemical weapon plants in Syria.
I'd be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product with the Simpson name on it.
