The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Martin Prince Quotes
Edna: The wireless was an invention by Guglielmo Marconi. Who can tell me what his first message was?
Bart: Uh
Milhouse: I want-a change-a my name!
(Everyone laughs)
Edna: (chuckling) Oh, good one, Milhouse. Anyone else? The first message by wireless?
Bart: It was
Martin: Our tenth caller will receive tickets to Supertramp!
(everyone laughs)
Fifty-six boxes of bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-six boxes of bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, fifty-five boxes of bottles of beer on the wall!
</i> Principal Skinner and Martin
Man #1: I need one twenty-nine-cent stamp.
Apu: That's a dollar-eighty-five.
Man #2: I'll have two dollars worth of gas.
Apu: Four-twenty.
Martin: How much is your penny candy?
Apu: Surprisingly expensive!
My water dish is empty...
(Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)
Comic Book Guy: Philip K Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!
Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (Points to the comic.) See?
Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl's horse, Comet. It never really happened.
Bart: None of these things ever really happened.
Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.
(Martin and Lisa are excavating for arrowheads.)
Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
Martin: High praise indeed!
Bart: When you look up "blow" in the dictionary--
Lisa: Bart, he's not gonna get it.
Bart: Fine.
Bart: To sweeten the deal, I'll pick you first for basketball.
Martin: To be a mathlete without the 'm.'
Who could have shoved eggs up our brass?
Martin: Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me. I was merely trying to fend off the desecration of the school building.
Bart: Eat my shorts.
Martin: Let me go. I have a swim lesson with a gorgeous lifeguard.
Dolph: What gender?
Martin: You're not allowed to ask.
Principal Skinner: Whoever did this is in very deep trouble.
Martin: And a sloppy speller too. The preferred spelling of "wiener" is 'W-I-E-N-E-R', although 'E-I' is an acceptable ethnic variant.
Who would have thought that pushing a boy into the girls' lavatory could be such a thrill? The screams! The humiliation! The fact that it wasn't me! I've never felt so alive.
