Miranda Hobbes Quotes
Charlotte: Jack wants us to do a threesome.
Miranda: Of course he does. Every guy does.
Samantha: Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the '90's.
Charlotte: What was the blow job of the '80's?
Samantha: Anal sex.
Carrie: Any sex, period.
Miranda: Don't let him pressure you into it. It's just this guy's cheap ploy to watch you be a lesbian for a night.
Samantha: Don't knock it till you tried it.
(Discussing whom to call into the threesome)
Samantha: Just make sure that the other woman isn't a friend. Use somebody random, you know, somebody you meet in a bar or something.
Miranda: That's romantic!
Charlotte: No, I think that I'd feel safer with a friend, with someone I could trust, like Carrie.
Carrie: Oh, gee, I'm flattered. But I'd go with someone who has a little more experience, like Sam.
Samantha: Well, thanks. But there is something sexy about a first-timer like Charlotte.
Charlotte: Really?
Miranda (feeling out of the loop): Oh great, no, forget about me.
Carrie, Charlotte and Samantha: Oh, come on!
Miranda: I'd do it with you guys. It's like, it' like picking teams for dodge ball all over again.
Carrie: He said, 'I miss you, baby.' Do you think that was meant to be some kind of coded mea culpa?
Miranda: You mean like what he really meant was, 'I've been a complete idiot, please forgive me for having dinner with that other woman.'
Carrie: Exactly.
Miranda: Could be.
Carrie: Well no, because that would mean that everything he ever said that I interpreted as sincere is subject to interpretation, and in that case, what I perceive as his feelings for me may only really be reflected projections of my feelings for him.
Miranda: What?
Carrie: Oh God, I'm freaking. I've gotta stop.
Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without the worry of pregnancy.
(Talking about oral sex)
Charlotte: The truth is, I hate doing it.
Samantha: Honey, you can't be serious!
Miranda: Are you telling us you never perform this act?
Carrie: She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.
Charlotte: I don't like putting it in my mouth! I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it makes me want to puke!
Miranda: That's one way to say no.
Charlotte: It's not like I haven't tried. I practiced on a banana, I pretended it was a Popsicle, but...I just don't like it.
Miranda: Personally, I'm loving it, up to the point where the guy wants me to swallow.
Carrie: Well that's just, that's really a judgment call.
Samantha: Some men take it so personally if you don't.
Miranda: Some guys don't give you a choice!
Carrie: Well that's just bad behavior.
Charlotte: Are you honestly telling me you like it?
Carrie: Well, it's not my favorite thing on the menu, but you know, I'll order it from time to time, and, with the right guy, it can be nice.
Miranda: Oral sex is like God's gift to women. You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.
Samantha: Plus the sense of power is such a turn-on, maybe you're on your knees, but you got him by the balls.
Charlotte: You see, that is the reason that I don't want to go down this road.
Carrie: Well sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it (Carrie and Miranda exchange looks about the pun), just don't do it, don't do it!
Miranda: But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?
Charlotte: I don't.
Miranda: Oh well, forget it! I only give head to get head!
Samantha: Me too.
Miranda: True romance cannot exist without good sex.
Samantha: And yet you can have good sex with someone you don't like or respect...or even remember.
Miranda: Just don't fuck on a first date, you're fine.
Carrie: Third date.
Charlotte: Too soon!
Samantha: Reality check. A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he can if you wait until the tenth.
Miranda: When have you ever been on a tenth date?
Charlotte: And by then at least you're emotionally involved.
Samantha: Exactly. I mean, isn't it better to find out if the sex is good right off the bat, before anybody's feelings get hurt?
(Before Carrie goes on her first offical date with Mr. Big, she's showing the girls what she's wearing)
Samantha: Hey honey, it's fabulous. Bravo!
Miranda: It's tits on toast, baby. But you make it work.
Charlotte: Well, let's just say it. It's the 'naked dress'. I mean, you're obviously going to have sex with him tonight.
Carrie: Come on, it's our first date.
Miranda: She's not gonna have sex. She's just gonna look like sex.
Carrie: That's right. I'm just the trailer.
Samantha: Please. If it happens, it happens. Bottoms up!
Charlotte: Wait a second, I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date.
Samantha: Oh God!
Miranda: Here she goes again with 'The Rules.'
Samantha: The women who wrote that book they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.
Miranda: (The man Miranda had just met at the gym asked her out) Nah, it's too quick. I think maybe that kick in his head scrambled his brains.
Carrie: No. Too quick is sleeping with him on the first date. That's too quick.
Miranda: You both got excited, and you went for it. Stop blaming yourself.
Carrie: Oh, I don't blame myself. I blame the dress. The dress!
Samantha: Women have the right to use every means at their disposal to achieve power.
Miranda: Short of sleeping their way to the top.
Samantha: Not if that's what it takes to compete.
Charlotte: But that's exploitation!
Samantha: Of men - which is perfectly legal.
Carrie: So, you advocate a double standard. Women can use their sexuality to get ahead whenever possible...but men should not be allowed to take advantage of it?
Samantha: No. I'm just saying that men and women are equal-opportunity exploiters.
Carrie: She's like an international party girl.
Miranda: She's a hooker with a passport.
Miranda: (to Charlotte who is talking about a famous painter who might ask her to hold his brush) If he so much as suggests what she's suggesting, you give me a call and we'll sue the hell out of him. That's the only proper way to trade sex for power.
Samantha: I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're like the Harvard Law Lorena Bobbitt.
(Door bell rings)
Miranda: Ah, it's Skipper, I told him I was here. And he insisted on picking me up, but he's not supposed to be here till 11!
Carrie: Oh! He's like a sweet little seal pup.
Miranda: That you sometimes want to club.
