The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Moe Szyslak Quotes
Apu: Mr Burns, just jump into the net!
Mr. Burns: What's in it for me?
Moe: Just jump!
Marge (reading Moe's note): "Dear pus bag . . ."
Homer: Whoa, Marge, who'd you piss off?
Moe: It's for you, pus bag!
Homer: Could I get a beer?
Moe: Oh yeah, sure.... oh sorry, I forgot we're out of beer.
Homer: Aaaaaah!
Moe: Oh I know, I got behind on my beer payment, the distributor cut me off, and I spent my last ten grand on the love tester. (Homer sucks the taps). It's too late Homer, Barney sucked it dry.
Bart: Moe, look over there! (as a distraction)
Moe: What? What am I looking at? I don't see nothing. I'm gonna stop looking soon What? What, is that it?
Homer walks into Moe's Tavern
Homer: Hey Moe, can I look, too?
Moe: Sure, but it'll cost ya.
Homer: My wallet's in the car.
Homer runs out
Moe: He is so stupid. And now back to the wall.
Why did I advertise my drinks specials in "Scientific American?"
I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people's hope dies? I feed on that.
Homer: (playing poker, gagging and coughing up poker chips) Ew! Don't try to eat these so called "chips".
Moe: Are you gonna take some cards, or not?
Homer: Oh...yeah.
(takes four cards)
Homer: D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Er, I mean, "woo hoo".
Moe: I'm in.
Homer: Aww, I was bluffing.
(lays out cards)
Moe: Ha, ha, ha! Come to papa!
(takes chips and looks at cards)
Moe: What? You have a straight flush, Homer! Ya do this every time! Arrrgh-eeengh-gah! Choking on my own rage here!
Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once.
I'd have to move in with mom, who's dead and doesn't have a house.
Manjula: My eyes have more bags than the Darjeeling Limited.
Moe: Hah, that's probably a good one.
Collette: Barkeep, I couldn't help noticing your sign.
Moe: What, the one that says 'Bartenders do it till you barf'?
Well It's hard to say, He may have come up with the recipe, but I came up with the idea of charging $6.95 for it.
