Penny: It's so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.
Leonard: If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.
Penny: Like, when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a little wonky?

Sheldon: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: If we don't, he might try to jump out of the plane.
Penny: Doesn't answer my question.

Penny: I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please, I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?

Penny: I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon: That's true. And now there's a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is sixty-five percent Coke, thirty-five percent Diet Coke?
Penny: Judging by the look on her face, it's at least one percent saliva.

Penny: You have a ton of friends. You got married. Moved into a new apartment. You wore a baseball hat that one time. heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.
Sheldon: More. By this many.
Penny: You dawg.
Sheldon: It was the Avengers trailer.

Penny: You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon: Oh, you are a mean drunk.

Y'know, you're the only person who could win the biggest prize in science and still be upset about it.

Sheldon: This is a nightmare!
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh, yeah. Got it.

Penny: Should we wake him up?
Leonard: Well, he did say if he fell asleep we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny: Oh boy!

Penny: Leonard? Coffee?
Leonard: Black and strong like Luke Cage.
Penny: I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Howard: Like when you were going to make that pie, Stuart ate all the blueberries...
Bernadette: He tried to deny it but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Bernadette: Ew, we are missing him!

TBBT Quotes

If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king... I would be kind to my rabbit subjects... at first.... One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits don't come. I'm embarrassed so I eat all the lettuce in the world.. and make the rabbits watch.

Raj

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.