Perry Cox Quotes
J.D.: If you could just help me with these train wreck codes.
Dr. Cox: You're finally at that stage where you and your equally undistinguished colleagues have all had enough training to be able to help each other. So no matter how humiliating it may seem, if you know somebody who's better than you - and I'm bettin' that you do? - you had best tuck that ridiculously feminine tail of yours between your legs and go ask her for help. I'm thinkin' that's just about it. Yep. I, uh, gosh, I'm all out of speeches. I don't think I have, uh, another one on me. I... I don't. The- Oh. These are... my goodbye guns.
He "fires" his fingers in the air
J.D.: Those aren't real guns.
Dr. Cox: He's done it! He's done it! Dorian's the Most! Annoying! Man in the World! Who would've ever thought a journeyman annoyer like Dorian might...
J.D.: You are a close second!
Elliot: You know that guy that crashed this morning is doing great?
Dr. Cox: Oh, Barbie. Maybe you could take a break from congratulating yourself and figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Kasuba over there, seeing as you're her doctor and she's been in the I.C.U. for three days.
Elliot: We're, um, running lots of tests.
Dr. Cox: Tests? Oh, goody! And what exactly will you be looking for? And if it's the slowest doctor in the hospital, then ding! ding! ding! ding! I already found her.
J.D.'s Narration: Bottom line, together, Elliot and I are the greatest co-chief residents of all time.
Dr. Cox: (enters the room) You two are, without a doubt, the worst co-chief residents of all time.
Dr. Cox: And in case you haven't noticed, we've got ourselves one hospital chock-full of monkey interns; and, news-flash, your job is to catch whatever they're flinging. Coffee talk, ladies, is now officially over. Get your asses to work. Now.
J.D.: Cream?
Elliot: Please!
Dr. Cox: Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there...Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes, but damn amusing!
J.D.: Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Many are.
Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.
J.D.: Well, you're the number one jealous...weight for the jealous weight... jealous ch-champ.
God, I hate Christmas. I really do.
Dr. Cox
Carla: When he came in, Mr. Milligan said he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.
Dr. Cox: Oh my God, He just might have goof-around-itis.
J.D.: We should check him for the silly-wllies too.
Dr. Cox: Carla, Carla, have you seen newbie?
Carla: Oh you mean he got off your leash?
Dr. Cox: Ha, give me a break. The kid's like like a, have you ever seen a drunk baby? Eh, it's a long story involving my son, rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, as it turns out, at first, it's enduring to watch them bounce off of the walls, but then you take your eyes off of them for one second and BAM! They've got a bucket on their head and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV. God save me, it was barely out of the box. The point is... newbie is MY drunk baby.
Dr Cox: Newbie, 1, 2, 3... 4. My new thing is to count just exactly how many people in any room can kick your ass. And in here, the number is four.
Carla: Five if you count Mrs. Cross. The other day, she went off her meds, sa-lammed him with a cafeteria tray!
J.D.: She came out of nowhere!
Carla: You wanna know what I think?
Dr. Cox: (thinks) No.
Carla: I think you know how good a doctor J.D. is, and whether you admit it or not, you have a great personal stake in his future. So don't pretend for one second that all this attention you throw at him is just for him, because it's also for you. As your friend, I'm telling you that if you want him to keep growing you oughtta back off of him once in a while.
Dr. Cox: Carla-
Carla: And don't say anything because you know I'm right and my jeans DO look good.
