Perry Cox Quotes
(Dr. Cox and J.D. are holding onto the ceiling)
Dr. Cox: Pretty strong there, Newbie.
J.D.'s narration: (Yawns) I was not. But hopefully, the duct tape I used to connect my prosthetic arms was.
(They both fall and J.D.'s arms are still on the ceiling)
J.D.: Ow. (Takes arms)
Dr. Hedrick: Group, can you tell me what stage of grief Dr. Cox is going through?
Group: Anger.
Dr. Cox: You don't wanna see me angry.
J.D.: Nor do you wanna see me angry. (Imagines taking Hedrick's pencil and taking off the eraser with his mouth.) It's awful.
Carla: OK, I know how you can regain control of Keith.
Elliot: Carla, don't bother, booty call was for a while, but I am so sick of being this cold, emotionless bastard.
Dr. Cox: I never get sick and tired of that. It is awesome being that.
J.D.: We love it. (Puts arm on Dr. Cox's shoulder)
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: It's too much, I know.
(To Mrs. Wilk) Would you love a virgin daiquiri? Its a...its a normal daiquiri. Ill just let him give it to you! (Gives glass to J.D.)
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: (Entering room full with people) Ok, Lester! We are having this right here, right now! (Looks around) Oh, for the love of God, what is this? Some getting-in-touch-with-my-feelings-because-momma-didn't-love-me group?
J.D.: Yes, is that what is?
Dr. Hedrick: Actually...this is a support group for the terminally ill.
Dr. Cox: Oh, what are we still doing this, we have seen people in Mrs. Wilks' shape turn it around, right?
J.D.: She can totally turn it around.
Dr. Hedrick: Denial. Yeah... it's not uncommon for people close to the patient also going through the five stages of grief.
Dr. Cox: Is not denial, she could rally.
J.D.: Yeah, totally rally.
Dr. Hedrick: Oh, yeah, I mean look at her. She could be in a vitamin commercial.
Dr. Cox: How will you like to be in a broken jaw commercial?
Dr. Hedrick: Can't help me. I don't care if it does give me cancer, I just love this fake sugar. (Leaves)
Dr. Cox: If he keeps ignoring my threats...I'm gonna have to hit him.
J.D.: Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Yeah newbie, what do ya got?
J.D.: That guy looks fantastic. What do you think he's dying of, a case of the handsomes?
Dr. Hedrick: Clearly I'm pushing some buttons here.
Dr. Cox: You couldn't push my buttons if you tried, in fact I have no buttons - please think of me as buttonless. All smooth, like G.I. Joe's nether regions, and by the by, this image has been brought to you by my son Jack who has been yanking the pants off of his toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough that, leaving the house, I'm cranky and less able to suffer fools, which brings me back to you, the fool. I'm done suffering you so go now, go, go before you can write a book entitled 'Help A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass, colon, The Lester Hedrick Story'
Hedrick: That was a mouthful. Anyway, if you need to talk just give me a call.
Dr. Cox:He seems strangely impervious to my threats. That annoys me.
Dr. Cox: WE dont need any of your head shrinking.
J.D.'s narration: "We"! He said "we"! After all these years hes finally made us a team!
J.D.: Yeah, Hedrick! If it was up to us, WE would never even called you. WE can handle death just fine. WE might even be going into private practice together.
Dr. Cox: What!?
J.D.'s narration: Easy! That was not the time to discuss the Dorian-Cox clinic. Much less the relocation to Jacksonville.
J.D.'s narration: I was in the Porsche, I had never made it into the Porsche. It smelled like German heaven. I wasn't going to blow this opportunity. I had to be careful about every little...hey a rootbeer.
Dr. Cox: Don't open that soda, it has been rolling around on the floor for months, it will explode.
J.D.: Apparently you're not familiar with the John Dorian three tap method. Three taps and the foam goes bye, bye.
(He taps the can three times and opens it)
J.D.: Works everytime.
(Soda explodes)
J.D.: The quickest way to my house is to take Elm.
Dr. Cox: (Talking to Mrs. Wilk) I can't believe youre finally getting out of this death trap. I mean, the odds were against you. You had a life-threatening disease... (looks at J.D.) a life-threatening doctor... (J.D. waves to Mrs. Wilk) Anyway, it was a pleasure treating you and...
Mrs. Wilk: I know how hard it is for you to say something nice. So you can go!
Dr. Cox: Thanks!
J.D.: Dr. Cox, may I borrow your pen?
Dr. Cox: Not going to happen!! I had to strangle a nurse to get this clicky top.
J.D.: Pleeaasse! Im in the middle of a very threatening speech.
Dr. Cox: Return this pen or die painfully!
