Perry Cox Quotes
Carla: Hey, Dr. Cox. You wanna put in for some lottery tickets?
Dr. Cox: Oh gosh, Carla! I would, I really would! But you see, I already set fire to a big pile of money just this morning!
Dr. Cox: Therefore, Mr. Langley's pancreatitis is most likely secondary to gallstones.
Elliot: Wrong-o, Perry! Mr. Langley's pancreatitis is most likely due to type 1 familial hyperlipoproteinemia as demonstrated by the eruptive xanthomas on his achilles tendon!
Interns: Ooooooh!
Dr. Cox: Interns! Flee! Now! Now there is just no way you could have known that off the top of that straw-covered scarecrow head of yours!
Elliot: Ah! Hold on! I need to take a quick mental picture of your total humiliation! Got it.
Dr. Cox: There-there are actually many things in life that I've yet to figure out, like why men wear cellphones on their belt when they could so easily fit them in their pocket mere millimeters away. Or why - and I'm not complaining - women wear tube-tops even though every ten seconds it makes them do this: [Grabs at his tee-shirt, as if hiking it up over imaginary breasts] Get back in there! But, of all my endless queries, the one thing I damn sure will figure out - and soon - is how you keep coming up with all these fancy-pants answers. It is, for all intents and purposes, like they're falling from the sky.
Elliot: Okay, rocktors - heh, that's my name for doctors who rock next patient!
J.D.'s Narration: Ever since her fellowship, Elliot loved that her interns saw her as an endocrinology expert.
Male Intern: Dr. Reid, why would Mr. Baum develop new onset diabetes and high blood pressure simultaneously?
Elliot: Well, as an endocrinology expert, heh, in my expert opinion, both can be expertly explained by a pituitary adenoma causing Cushing's syndrome.
Dr. Cox: Hate to burst your bubble, there, Barbie, but your endocrinology fellowship lasted all of five days. Granted, to you, five days may seem like an eternity seeing as it's roughly five times as long as any of your white, pasty relationships have lasted. But trust me, that hardly makes you an expert.
Dr Cox: Hey you, Where's my son?
Janitor: Oh, he's playing with the birds out on the ledge.
Carla: What?
Janitor: I'm kidding, come on. He's green.
(Elliot holds her hand up and J.D. runs in to high five)
J.D.: Here's some!
Dr. Cox: You're going to high five that? Bi-hig mistake.
J.D.: I didn't know what I was high fiving. I gotta stop doing that!
Dr. Cox: Dorothy, you're going home, are ya?
J.D.: Yep!
So he's green. Don't beat yourself up, Carla. Come on, so far on my watch, he's gotten stitches, cut his own hair, and eaten over four dollars in change. Honestly, if I ever need to feed the parking meter, I just check the diaper, don't I?
Dr. Cox
J.D.: Okay, I'm here. What's the emergency, Keith?
Keith: Well, do you want Mr. Fleming on unfractionated or low molecular weight heparin?
J.D.: They're the exact same thing. Every doctor here knows that. Why would you page me?
Dr. Cox: Because I told him to. And I know what you're thinking, Dorothy: Why would I have your intern call you in on one of your very precious days off for something so gosh-darn trivial? Well, the real question ought to be, Why when you were an intern did you call me in time after time after time after time! So, now, to commemorate the first of many unnecessary disruptions of your life, I've invited Laverne's church choir here to summarize my feelings in exuberant song.
Dr. Cox: But, trust me, when you do have your own kid, you won't feel that way.
Carla: Yeah? Why? What'll be different?
Dr. Cox: He'll be yours.
Dr. Cox: Look at Jordan and me. You know how we hate everyone?
Carla: Yeah.
Dr. Cox: Well, that goes double for kids. They're loud, you don't understand them. Just like tiny cab drivers.
Dr. Cox: So if I understand correctly, you left my only child with a creepy borderline psychotic who hates everyone?
Carla: How is that different from leaving him with you?
Dr. Cox: I have freckles.
Carla: Why aren't you freaking out? Look at him - your kid's like all green and slimy.
Dr. Cox: Well, I suppose it's because when Jordan was pregnant, I mentally prepared myself for her giving birth to something green and...slimy.
Carla: Where is Jordan, anyway?
Dr. Cox: The wicked witch of the east wing?
