Perry Cox Quotes
Now I'm going to check on Mr. Jenkins, your war hero. I feel he, too, deserves a competent doctor. In fact, I'm gonna take all of your patients and consequently your only reason for getting out of that lacy, over-pillowed four-poster virgin cocoon you call a bed every morning.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Hand over your stethoscope.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: In victory, I get your stethoscope. It's a trophy. You're lucky we're not back in olden times - I'd-a made a necklace outta your teeth.
J.D.: I find this highly unprofessional.
J.D.: Ohh, right - your imaginary warning light. Don't be mad, Perry - this day was bound to come. See, I've studied you. I've taken your best qualities and my best qualities and I've combined them into something even better. Much the way that iced tea and lemonade were joined to become an "Arnold Palmer." Incidentally, has anyone ever done less to become famous? I mean, "Yay for me - I mixed two drinks together!"
Dr. Cox: Arnold Palmer is a golfer.
J.D.: I'm sure he has lots of hobbies, Perry. The man's a drink mogul.
Dr. Cox: I am gonna let Big Bob, here, give the first excuse.
Dr. Kelso: Blah blah blah, I'm not doing it.
Dr. Cox: I'm caught on his collar!
Carla: This picture is happening!
Janitor: No, it's not.
Carla: Oh, what do you know, mop jock?
Janitor: A pretty good couple things over the years: The kitchen fire of '97. The kitchen fire of '98. The arson conviction of Luis the fry-cook. And, of course, the eventual termination of the hospital's Convicts-to-Cooks program. Bottom line - not gonna happen.
J.D.: If you're wondering what a "thank you for being my doctor" card from Mrs. Wilk looks like, it look a little something like this.
Shows Dr. Cox a card
Dr. Cox: "Happy anniversary, gals"?
J.D: Oops this one's for my aunt Judy and her lady friend.
Todd: Where's the Booby-touching booth?
J.D.: It's like everyone was lured out here by the thing they want most.
(Dr. Cox comes running out of the doors with his pager beeping then stops when he sees J.D.)
Dr. Cox: Hey, you're not getting your ass kicked!
J.D.'s Narration: And sometimes, "I'm sorry" can mean "your services are no longer needed."
Mrs. Wilk: I'm sorry, Dr. Dorian.
Dr. Cox: So, you gave her the old death sentence, did ya. In the business, we call that a rookie mistake. But thanks for playin'.
J.D.: What are you doing here?
Dr. Cox: Mrs. Wilk was asking me some questions that I actually thought would be best answered by you.
Mrs. Wilk: Why did that sweaty attorney ask me if my affairs were in order?
J.D.: Because I wanted to make sure that you're as comfortable as possible.
Mrs. Wilk: As comfortable as possible? For what?
Dr. Cox: I'm going to sit for this.
J.D.: For the place that you're going. You know, the big puffy clouds... the bright lights... all your old friends...?
Mrs. Wilk: Seattle?
J.D.: No, no no no - not-not Seattle, the... you know, the dying... peacefully... place.
Mrs. Wilk: What are you talking about?
Dr. Cox: Now, I'm going to stand!
Dr. Cox: Why did you order a B.M.P. test on my patient, Mrs. Wilk, last night?
J.D.: Because she's my patient.
Dr. Cox: Interesting, seeing as I admitted her.
J.D.: And I treated her last night.
Mr. Bursick: Dr. Dorian, why do I hate all-
J.D.: Because they're stealing all of our jobs, Mr. Bursick! Stealing all of our jobs... Perry, we spent an equal amount of time with Mrs. Wilk. Now seeing as we're both attendings - i.e. "equals" - why don't we let her decide who her doctor is, huh?
Dr. Cox: Or... we could skip the day-trip to Unnecessary Land and instead simply concede that Mrs. Wilk is my patient and that, while we are both attendings, we are in no way equals - we are in fact not equals. We are, hmmm, unequals.
J.D.: Guys, if I give you a patient, I expect you to work your butts off for him. And P.S.? Mr. Jenkins is a Vietnam vet. Let's take care of him... like he took care of our nation. Get outta here!... That's how you light a fire under their butts, Perry! You get 'em going with some inspiration!
Dr. Cox: Too much! talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much talking, too much... talking.
J.D.: This morning you told me that you had a great life.
Mrs. Wilk: Exactly, and I'd like to continue it!
J.D.: Oh, this is just a misunderstanding. I'm so sorry. Tell her there's a misunderstanding, then.
Dr. Cox: He's tried to kill before.
Dr. Cox: Never make assumptions based on your own perceptions. Just... never do it.
J.D.: Really? You've been spending a lot of time treating my guy, Mr. Jenkins, right?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, he's a Vietnam veteran, he deserves as much.
J.D.: Yeah, actually, he's just a homeless guy. I made up the war veteran story to motivate my boys! But, what're you gonna do?
(Cox starts flashing his "warning light.")
J.D.: Oh, come on! You've gotten me like a hundred times. I finally got ya once! It was bound to happen, right?
Dr. Cox: I see your point. Kindly blow it out your ass.
