South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralRandy Marsh Quotes
Randy: Yeah, the players should all wear bras! And instead of helmets, they should wear little tin-foil hats, because you know, it's the future, and we shouldn't be so barbaric!
Principal Victoria: How will the bras and tin-foil hats make it safer?
Randy: Oh, you're all not getting it, see, while we're at it, we'll have a balloon instead of a ball, and whoever catches the ballon will tries to run while all the other players hug!
You should be saving it for when you die. That's our money.
Man at Bar: Enjoying the show?
Randy: To be honest, I'm just here for the blowjob.
Mr. Stotch: what was the show about?
Randy: I dunno, some green chick and a goat.
And we want our moms to stop tripping because bitches be tripping all the time!
No, dude, fuck you, we're burning this shit.
You gonna deglaze that f**king pan? I'd deglaze the f**k out of that pan.
Butterflies have no concern for such things. Now I'm gonna go find myself some butterfly poon.
Randy: Can't you see that if we fall to New Jersey, California is next?
Schwarzenegger: No, because Utah is between Colorado and California.
Randy: Fine. Well, when Utah gets taken over by New Jersey, then who's next?
Schwarzenegger: Nevada.
Randy: Oh really? Okay Mr. "I'm Awesome at Geography."
Everything east of the Rockies is now part of New Jersey. The Jersey Shore now includes Jacksonville, Miami, and Gulf of Jersey Mexico and the Jersey Islands.
Randy: That word's kind of getting old. It's not really funny anymore.
Man: Yeah, they're gonna have to come up with a new swear word now.
Mr. Garrison: Well, they can't use "fag." Because you can't say "fag" unless you're a homosexual.
Randy: Really? So we can't say (bleep)?
Mr. Garrison: No. See, you got beeped.
Man: You mean you have to be a (bleep) to say (bleep)?
Mr. Garrison: That's right.
Jimbo: Hell, that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag."
Randy: Hey, you didn't get beeped.
Jimbo: Uh, oh.
Mr. Garrison: Well well well! Guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freakin' fag! You wanna make out or something?
Principal: Hello, boys.
Stan: Wait, what's going on here?
Kyle: Alright look, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortions.That's all we know.
Mr. Mackey: You didn't do anything wrong, boys; We just need to talk to you. Have a seat.
(Stan and Kyle sit down)
Mr. Mackey: Well boys, your little friend, Kenny, went to the hospital last night, m'kay? And well...he's pretty sick.
Kyle: Kenny's sick?
Stan: Well, how sick?
Chef: Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a terminal disease.
Stan: But the doctor's are gonna make him better, right?
Sharon: Oh, dear.
Stan But mom, that's what hospitals are for, they can make him better.
Sharon: Oh, Randy.
Randy: They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means--well son...that means he's gonna be going to Heaven soon.
Kyle: Wait, Kenny's going to die?
Gerald: He might, Kyle.
Stan: But he's our f-f-friend.
Mr. Mackey: We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now, more then ever.
Stan: No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die!
(Stan begins sobbing into his dad's shoulder)
