Ross Geller Quotes
Monica: Do you guys ever think Alan might be a little too Alan.
Rachel: No, you can never be too Alan.
Ross: It's his innate Alan-ness that we adore.
Chandler: I could personally stand about a gallon of Alan.
Ross: A thumb?
Phoebe: I know. I know. I opened it up, and there is was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker.
Chandler: Maybe it's a contest, you know, like, "collect all five."
Ross: What is this?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years.
Chandler: (Showing the cigarette) And this is my reward.
Ross: Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit.
Joey: Don't you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realize what you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: I've had it with you guys and your cancer, your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said "We should do this again!"
All: Oh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said "We should do it again," that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated "We should do this again" means "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Ya know, like, "It's not you" means "It is you."
Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or, or, ya know, um, "I think we should see other people" means "Ha, ha, I already am."
All: (About Chandler smoking) Hey, come on, put it out.
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb.
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair.
Monica: Why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle cracking isn't annoying? And Ross with his over pronouncing every single word, and Monica with that snort when she laughs... I mean what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws why can't you accept me for this?
(Pause)
Joey: Does the knuckle cracking bother everybody or just him?
Rachel: Well, I would live without it.
Joey: Is it like, a little annoying or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe takes her hair out of her mouth.)
Ross: Don't listen to them Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh you do, do you?
(Monica snorts loudly.)
Ross: There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: Indeed there isn't. (Ross looks at Rachel) I should really be getting back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Oh, the hair comes out and the gloves come off.
(They all start shouting at each other, while Chandler walks away smoking happily.)
Ross: Okay! Okay. Look, I, uh, I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal: Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Judy: (To Monica) You knew about this?
Ross: (Picks up a surgical instrument) Quack quack. Quack quack. Quack.
Carol: Ross, that opens my cervix.
Ross: (Discussing baby names) What about Julia?
Carol: Julia!
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Ross: It's funny, we (Gestures to Carol) agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches!
Monica: What you guys don't understand is that kissing is more important than any other part of it for us.
Joey: Yeah, right. (They all stare at him) You're serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Rachel: Everything that you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is an opening act, you know, like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, yeah. And it's not like that we don't like the comedian. It's just that that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: You see, the problem is though, after the concert over, no matter how great the show was you girls are always looking for the comedian again. You know, and we're in the car, fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone. (High-fives Monica)
Joey: Are we still talking about sex?
Ross: So what's new? Still...
Carol: A lesbian?
Ross: Well... you never know!
Ross: They want me to go down to this sonogram thing with them tomorrow. Remember back when life was simpler and she was just a lesbian?
Chandler: Ah, those were the days.
