Favorite Samantha Jones Quotes
It's so interesting, you can tell a man I hate you and you'll have the best sex of your life, but tell him I love you, and you'll probably never see him again.
Samantha: Relationships have been on a decline since women came out of the cave, looked around, and said, "This isn't so hard."
Carrie: Okay, so you don't need a man, but you still want one.
Samantha: Oh honey, I want more than one.
Carrie: I can't decide whether you represent our future or our demise.
Samantha: I am the future!
Do you realize if she were a man, not only would we be eating right now but they'd be sending over free drinks?
Miranda: What's the big deal? In 50 years men are gonna be obsolete anyway. I mean, already you can't talk to them, you don't need them to have kids with, you don't need them to have sex with anymore, as I've very pleasantly discovered.
Samantha: Uh oh, sounds like somebody just got their first vibrator.
Miranda: Not first, ultimate. And I think I'm in love.
Charlotte: Maybe you should stop seeing him, race is a very big issue.
Samantha: No, there is no reason to bring race into this, Chivon is a sweet man, we have great sex and he happens to have the biggest....
Charlotte: Black cock, we know, he has a big black cock.
Samantha: I was about to say biggest heart, but now that you're so interested, yes, he does have a big black cock.
Miranda: It's a big Afro-American cock. Right, Charlotte?
Charlotte: It's because women really just want to be rescued.
Carrie: (voiceover) There it was. The sentence independent single women in their thirties are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud.
Charlotte: I'm sorry but it's true. I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?
Miranda: Who? The white knight?
Samantha: That only happens in fairy tales.
Charlotte: My hair hurts.
Samantha: If I had a son, I'd teach him all about sex.
Carrie: If you had a son, we'd call Social Services!
(Before Carrie goes on her first offical date with Mr. Big, she's showing the girls what she's wearing)
Samantha: Hey honey, it's fabulous. Bravo!
Miranda: It's tits on toast, baby. But you make it work.
Charlotte: Well, let's just say it. It's the 'naked dress'. I mean, you're obviously going to have sex with him tonight.
Carrie: Come on, it's our first date.
Miranda: She's not gonna have sex. She's just gonna look like sex.
Carrie: That's right. I'm just the trailer.
Samantha: Please. If it happens, it happens. Bottoms up!
Charlotte: Wait a second, I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date.
Samantha: Oh God!
Miranda: Here she goes again with 'The Rules.'
Samantha: The women who wrote that book they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.
Miranda: True romance cannot exist without good sex.
Samantha: And yet you can have good sex with someone you don't like or respect...or even remember.
Charlotte is trying to decide whether to have anal sex with a man she's dating.
Miranda: It all depends on how much you like him?
Charlotte: A lot.
Miranda: "Dating a few months until somebody better comes along a lot", or "marrying him and moving to the East Hampton's" a lot?
Charlottte: I don't know, I'm not sure.
Miranda: Well, you better get sure real quick.
Charlotte: You're scaring me.
Carrie: Don't scare her.
Miranda: It's all about control. If he goes up there, there's gonna be a shift in power, either he'll have the upper hand or you will. Now there's a certain camp that believe whoever holds the dick, holds the power. (Cab Driver turns around) Hello, you're driving! The question is, if he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less? That's the issue.
Cab Driver: No smoking in cab.
Carrie: Sir, were talking "up the butt", a cigarette is in order.
(Cuts to Samantha now in the cab)
Samantha: Front. Back. Who cares? A hole is a hole.
Miranda: Can I quote you?
Samantha: Don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
Charlotte: I'm not a hole.
Carrie: Honey, we know.
Samantha: Look, all I'm saying is this is a physical expression, that the body, well, it was designed to experience. And p.s., it's fabulous.
Practically all relationships I know are based on the foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusions. Take me and James for instance, I pretend he doesn't have a small dick and he pretends to notice that we haven't had sex in three weeks.
Samantha is crying
Carrie: What's going on, why are you crying?
Samantha: James has a small dick.
Carrie: Well, it's not the end of the world.
Samantha: It's really small.
Miranda: How small?
Samantha: Too small.
Carrie: Well, size isn't everything....
Samantha: Three inches.....
Carrie: Well....
Samantha: Hard!
Charlotte: Is he a good kisser?
Samantha: Oh, who the fuck cares! His dick is like a gherkin!
