New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXFavorite Schmidt Quotes
It's only romantic because it's a wedding. I'd be just as happy to sabotage, I don't know, let's say, her tax audit.
Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis.
Everybody hates the Jews! Your mom's in the majority! I'll convert to Indianism!
She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!
Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!
They make shoes for your penis! They're called pants!
Nick: Schmidt...I need you to teach me to be a douchebag
Schmidt: Let's get started.
Winston: What is happening in the world?
Schmidt: CeCe, are you pregnant?
CeCe: I don't know. We have to wait for the test results, but I'm late.
Schmidt: We made a caramel miracle!
Schmidt: What are you wearing!?
CeCe: I don't...I don't know. I found this in the lost found at the gym. I'm not really sure how sexy a "sexretary" is supposed to be.
Schmidt: If you're trying to seduce me, don't dress up like my Aunt Frida at seder.
CeCe: The truth is, I would do anything. Do it anywhere.
Schmidt: Even fantasy locations?
Winston: Hey Schmidt, do you mind if I use the uh...manbulance?
Schmidt: The manbulance is resting. It's getting ready for the corporate retreat.
Winston: That's cool. I'm sure the mambulance couldn't handle all of Shelby's luggage anyway.
Schmidt: What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? It could fit the luggage of 9 Shelbys. It has the towing capacity of 1,000 Shelbys.
I don't celebrate Christmas, or as I like to call it, "White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night."
Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They're like the people version of pleated pants.
