Archer: Woodhouse! What are you doing?
Woodhouse: Uh, sitting down sir.
Archer: What, at the table? Like people?

• Permalink: Woodhouse! What are you doing? Uh, sitting down sir. What, a...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Archer: You said no dates!
Malory: I said no such thing.
Archer: Well, your mouth did.
Malory: Well, your mouth better get over there and make Torvald happy.
Archer: Um, phrasing.

• Permalink: You said no dates! I said no such thing. Well, your mouth di...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Archer: What is that smell?
Malory: Gravlax and failure. I think Lana just Broke Torvald's Hand.
Archer: Truckasaurus.

• Permalink: What is that smell? Gravlax and failure. I think Lana just Bro...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Archer: So let me guess..
Lana: Yeah, who ever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our world wide data base.
Archer: Yeah, which you probably found while researching me-
Lana: [Sigh]
Archer: Lana, 'cause you're in the ah... Danger Zone!

• Permalink: So let me guess.. Yeah, who ever he is, he ghosted an ID file ...
• Added: January 03, 2011

You know what's dangerous? You're obsession with me. Seriously, Lana, call Kenny Loggins, 'cause you're in the Danger Zone.

• Permalink: You know what's dangerous? You're obsession with me. Seriously, ...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Lana: I think Conway is totally up to something.
Archer: Duh! You think I'm an idiot? I know he wants to marry mother and have her cut me out of the will. Which is why I'm going to kill him.

• Permalink: I think Conway is totally up to something. Duh! You think I'm ...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Lana: A non-circumcised Jewish guy, that's not weird to you?
Archer: No. Why would... I mean, I'm not Jewish, and I am circumcised so it can happen the other-
Lana: It doesn't work like that.
Archer: Lana come on. I think we both know it works fine.
Lana: Aw, come on! Not your dick, dumb ass!

• Permalink: A non-circumcised Jewish guy, that's not weird to you? No. Why...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Archer: See that! He was putting on his pants and I stopped him. So you just watch your step Mr.... damn it.
Conway: Hey right there, what you should have gone with, was Sammy Gayvis Jr.

• Permalink: See that! He was putting on his pants and I stopped him. So you ...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Malory: We need a diversity hire.
Archer: I vote Asian chick!

• Permalink: We need a diversity hire. I vote Asian chick!
• Added: January 03, 2011

Oh com 'on, Ruiz was a loose cannon. He played it fast and he played it loose, and in the end he got burned.

• Permalink: Oh com 'on, Ruiz was a loose cannon. He played it fast and he pl...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Archer: You're black...ish.
Lana: Ish!?
Archer: Well what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said quadroon!
Lana: (sarcastic) Imagine that!!
Archer: You imagine it!
Malory: BOTH OF YOU IMAGINE SHUTTING UP!!!

• Permalink: You're black...ish. Ish!? Well what's the word for it, Lan...
• Added: January 03, 2011

Cyril: Hey, will I get to learn Karate?
Archer: Karate: the Dane Cook of martial arts? No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga. We got an ex-Mossad guy who comes in on Thursdays.
Cyril: Neato.
Archer: Yeah. Tuesdays he comes in for a really rigorous spin class.

• Permalink: Hey, will I get to learn Karate? the Dane Cook of martial arts...
• Added: January 03, 2011