Gibbs: Get Tony and Ziva out of bed.
McGee: What? Oh, you want me to get them out of bed. Because it's the middle of the night. Their individual beds.

McGee: I was there, too, near the car, you know.
Ziva: We all were.
McGee: But don't let that stop you from thinking about yourself.
Tony: This isn't about me! It's about my little DiNozzo makers! They've been nuked!
McGee: I know!
Tony: Do you?!

McGee: Hey, in Paris, who got stuck with the couch?
Tony: Me. We flipped a coin.
McGee: Tough break.
Ziva: Why did you just lie to McGee?
Tony: Why did you lie to Nora?

McGee: The August 1928 issue of Amazing Stories first stirred the national imagination. It featured the Skylark of Space on the cover, and then you've got Buck Rogers.
Abby: What's really amazing is how much more fascinating jet-pack trivia gets the 11th time you've heard it.

Tony: It's a remote control receiver?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?

Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away.
McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere.

Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse.
McGee: Yeah, how's that?
Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony.

McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association -
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker Spaniel Rufus.
Ziva: It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well.

Tony: [on phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
Tony: The walls?
Abby: Well do they appear to be removable?
Tony: Huh.
McGee: Abby.
Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.

Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

McGee: Look at this. Two ply, double roll, top tuck with a thirty foot vertical climb. This kid has got an arm! Perfect drapage and good trunk to top ratio. It's very impressive.
Ziva: I do not understand the humor or the art.
McGee: It's a cultural thing. Tony would tell you.

Tony: You failed your polygraph! That's not good.
McGee: No, I didn't fail it. They said I have to take it again.
Tony: Why would you have to take it again? Don't ask, don't tell. You didn't make the mistake of coming out, did you?
McGee: I don't have anything to come out about.
Tony: Stick to that story, McQueen.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: (on the phone) Hey Probie, what I am looking at?
Vance: A career in the fast food industry.
Tony: Director Vance. How are you, sir?

Vance: So, what are you gonna tell her? (Gibbs turns to face him) Lee a hero or a villain?
Gibbs: Both.