Tobias Funke Quotes
It is not a competition, Lindsay. We are doing this to save our marriage. But I should be telling you that I have been meeting more than my fair share of groupies. Or should I say "blue-pies"?
Lindsay: What was the last thing he said?
(Flashback to Tobias, covered in blue paint)
Tobias: I just blue myself.
Michael: He ... Said some beautiful things.
Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but ... But it might work for us.
Tobias: I must warn you, Michael, she doesn't respond well to strict directives.
Maeby: All right.
Tobias: That was odd.
Michael: Not really. Kids love boundaries. I mean, look at these girls. (Talking about the "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" tape) Is this what you want?
Tobias: Oh, God, no.
Michael: This could be where your daughter is headed.
Tobias: Oh, no, no, I don't want this for Maeby either.
Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of ... ?
Young Maeby: Homosexual.
Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though. You probably are a homosexual.
George Michael: Hey, Dad. Do you think this purse goes with this outfit? Where'd my dad go?
Tobias: (falsetto) Douche-chill.
Tobias: Well, Lindsay, could you use it over there? I'm trying to grow.
Lindsay: Yeah. Well, it's clear that's not going to happen.
Tobias: I just need to prove to my wife that I can act like a man. And it's not about sex. I don't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: That's not what I was thinking.
Tobias: Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola, though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking.
Michael: Actually, that time, that was what I was thinking.
Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers.
Lindsay: We would like you to tutor our daughter.
Tobias: Now, of course, we are having a bit of a cash flow problem. But I assure you; if you bring our little girl's grades up, I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream, you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block!
George Michael: But we're the only house on the block.
(Camera shows a shot of the Bluth house in the middle of nowhere)
Tobias: Perhaps we should get somebody else.
