Tony Soprano Quotes
(after seeing Mt. Vesuvius) I'm going to tell Artie that mural they spent all that money on looks like a used Trojan compared to this.
Carmela: Tony, we can't just throw your sister out.
Tony: Why not?
Carmela: It wouldn't be Christian.
Tony: See? This shit works out. She's Buddhist.
[Meadow trashed Livia's house]
Carmela: As a parent today, you are over a barrel no matter what you do. You take away her car you become her chauffeur. You ground her you've got to stay home weekends and be prison guards.
Tony: If you throw her out, social services will bring her back and we'd be in front of the judge. She's not 18 yet.
Carmela: That's your solution? To throw your daughter out?
Tony: All I'm sayin', with the laws today you can't even restrain your kid physically. She could sue you for child abuse.
Carmela: There has to be consequences.
Tony: And there will be, I hear ya okay. Let's just not overplay our hand. Because if she figures out we're powerless, we're fucked.
Beansy: I might not be able to wipe my own ass, you know that?
Tony: Well, the nose is as far as I'm willing to go.
Janice: There's a Zuni saying: "For every twenty wrongs a child does, ignore nineteen."
Tony: There's an old Italian saying: "You fuck up once, you lose two teeth."
Carmela: (on Meadow) There has to be consequences. What kind of parents would we be if we let her get away with this?
Tony: Typical.
Meadow: I could've taken ecstasy but I didn't.
A.J.: Don't puke on the floor.
Tony: What're you doin' up?! Go to bed.
A.J.: She fools around with ecstasy and you yell at me?
Tony: I'm sellin' Ma's house. You understand, Janice? Now put that fucking sign back in the fucking ground and that's it. End of discussion. Period.
Janice: You're so left brained. Whether the sign is there or not, the house is still for sale. The agent still has the listing.
(on Livia) Dead people don't have houses.
Bobby: To the victor belongs the spoils.
Tony: Why don't you get the fuck out of here before I shove your quotation book up your fat fucking ass.
(to Bobby about his weight) I think it's time for you to seriously consider salads.
Dr. D'Alessio: I've seen The Godfather and Analyze This, and I don't need that for my practice right now.
Tony: Analyze This? That's a fuckin' comedy!
