Turk Quotes
Turk: Dude, he keeps a hug schedule with his friends!
J.D.: Okay, Turk.. looks like someone's getting crossed off their 2 o' clock spot and getting penciled in for never! How does that feel? Does it sting?
J.D.'s Narration: He's hurting! Hug him.. hug him now!
J.D.: Don't be such a baby! It's a magnetic image. I apologize Mr. Foster. I'm a little upset. My scooter, Sasha, was assassinated this morning.
Turk: Yeah, he was so attached to that thing. He used to wear a bracelet that said "Sasha forever".
J.D.: Come on, Turk. It was just a joke. And I only wore it for one week.
J.D.'s wrist hits the machine
J.D.: Ok so I still wear the bracelet.
Turk: Dude, don't sweat it - It says here that the ostrich is generally a docile creature.
J.D.: Thank God!
Turk: It also says their kick can kill a man!
J.D.: Just try and imagine what they're going through. I mean, sometimes I think what it's gonna be like when you die.
Turk: Because you think I'm going first due to my diabetes.
J.D. Right, and where do we meet up in heaven?
Turk: At the milkshake pool on the lesbian cloud.
J.D.: I'll see you there, playah! I love religion. The point is, Turk, if someone tried to pull the plug on you without being totally honest with me, you know where they'd end up?
Turk: In Hell, watching 'The View'!
J.D.: Next to the super high, unreachable cupcake table.
Carla: See, Turk, I'm great with kids! And I promise, you don't even have to check in as a parent until you have to teach our son about sports.
Turk: And satisfying women. 'Cause I know how to satisfy a woman, right, baby?
Carla: I'm sure you can.
Turk: That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Turk: Anyway, I gotta talk to the Bolger family about getting their son's heart, but I can't find 'em anywhere.
Laverne: Oh, they're in the doctors' lounge.
Turk: Oh my God, Laverne, I love you! Listen, if any other surgeon asks about them, you send them someplace else - the cafeteria, the zoo, I don't care! I'm goin' to get my heart!
Dr. Kelso: Now, on your feet. They need you in the O.R. to assist on the heart transplant.
Turk: The Bolgers said yes?
Dr. Kelso: Mr. Bolger wanted you to have this.
He hands Turk a card.
Turk: His son's driver's license?
Dr. Kelso: Turn it over.
J.D.'s Narration: Every so often, a wizard comes along and tells you exactly what you need to hear.
Turk turns the license over to reveal a small heart-shaped icon on the back which reads "DONOR".
Dr. Kelso: Seems like you had a heart all along!
Jordan: Okay, either the heat in my office is broken, or I drifted off and fantasized about Rudy Giulliani again.
Turk: Haha! He's not even sexy! Right, baby?
Carla: Aye, Rudy, don't stop...
Turk: Baby!
Carla: Huh?
J.D.'s Narration: When a career-making opportunity is slipping through their fingers, even a doctor can succumb to one of the basest human impulses.
Turk: You know, I've donated an organ.
J.D.'s Narration: They can lie.
Turk: See, my buddy? He was-he was sick. And so I gave him one of my kidneys.
Mr. Bolger: But my son has only one heart.
Turk: But, uh... a short time after that... I donated my other kidney.
Turk: Dr. Kelso! 'Sup. Look, I just heard that we're doing our first ever in-house heart transplant. Now, I know you'll be objective in choosing which surgical resident gets to assist. But! I also thought you might enjoy this commemorative Dr. Kelso bobble head. Huh?!
Dr. Kelso: Ahh, bobble heads! You always think you're gonna get bored with 'em, but you never do. Bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bobbly bob-
Turk: Sir!
Dr. Kelso: Eh? Oh! Turkleton, you're still here! Did you honestly think you'd be the only surgeon to walk in here and try to bribe me?
Turk: Sir, I was watching that.
Dr. Kelso: Well, why don't I just tell you what happened: Uncle Phillip gets Webster the dog despite George and Ma'am's objections. It was a good one.
Mr. Bolger: Okay, next question-
Turk: With all those topical treatments, let's just say I wasn't completely functional.
Mr. Bolger: Why are all surgical residents being so relentless about my son's heart?
Turk: Because whichever one of us convinces you to pull the plug and donate his heart gets to assist in the transplant.
