Turk Quotes
Turk: Dude, it was awful. I couldn't stop lying to them. I only have two moves! If surgery goes well, the fake modest nod and wink. Now, if surgery goes bad and the guy dies, there's always the headshake-sad-walk-away.
J.D.: Turk! Toto and I are going home.
Turk: Fine!
J.D.: Okay! I'll help!
Dr. Kelso: Now, on your feet. They need you in the O.R. to assist on the heart transplant.
Turk: The Bolgers said yes?
Dr. Kelso: Mr. Bolger wanted you to have this.
He hands Turk a card.
Turk: His son's driver's license?
Dr. Kelso: Turn it over.
J.D.'s Narration: Every so often, a wizard comes along and tells you exactly what you need to hear.
Turk turns the license over to reveal a small heart-shaped icon on the back which reads "DONOR".
Dr. Kelso: Seems like you had a heart all along!
Turk: Anyway, I gotta talk to the Bolger family about getting their son's heart, but I can't find 'em anywhere.
Laverne: Oh, they're in the doctors' lounge.
Turk: Oh my God, Laverne, I love you! Listen, if any other surgeon asks about them, you send them someplace else - the cafeteria, the zoo, I don't care! I'm goin' to get my heart!
(J.D. and Keith go and see a patient)
J.D.: Miss Brooks, your blood work looks fine. But I'd like to take one more sample, just for me. (Opens his mouth to reveal fangs and starts biting Miss Brooks, then puts blood in a vile.) You taste a little anemic. Get that down to the lab, buddy.
Keith: Right away, Dr. Acula.
J.D: That's what they call me. How you doing?
(Cuts to the cafeteria with J.D. reading a script to Turk and Elliot, then closes it)
J.D.: The end.
Turk: So Dr. Acula's a doctor and a vampire?
J.D.: He's both. And at the very end, I'm going to put "Dr. Acula" across the screen, take that period, get it out of there, squish it together, it'll say "Dracula".
Turk: That is an awesome ending!
J.D.: Thank you for telling me what I already know, Turk!
Turk: How's it going today, buddy?
J.D.: Pretty crappy. I just had to tell an old lady she's dying. How about you?
Turk: Okay. Elliot turfed this chronic pain patient to me - I have no idea what's wrong with him, so I have to do exploratory surgery.
Elliot: Mrs. Peele, even though Dr. Turk is currently incapacitated by his cherry-flavored beverage, he is a fantastic surgeon-
Turk: Uh-huh.
Elliot: ...and he didn't find anything. And I am a great doctor-
Turk: Ehhh.
Elliot: We should have just believed Mr. Peele. I mean, it's not like somebody just poos their pants for no reason.
J.D.: Turk did that in college on a bet.
Turk: Carla did not know that story. Thank you.
First one to chug their slushee is off the hook. Come on here we go! (Chugs his slushee) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Oh! Brain freeze!
J.D.'s Narration: ...and then Turk says what every surgeon says when he's not sure of what to do...
Turk: Hm... mind if I slice you open?
Elliot: Don't you think that maybe, the pain could all be in his head?
Mrs. Peele: Last week, we were watching Tv and he was in too much pain to get up to go to the bathroom, that he soiled himself, on the couch, right in front of our son. How do you explain that?
Turk: Maybe there was a really good game on television.
(Pause)
Elliot: Probably not.
Turk: You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!
Carla: I'm ready.
Elliot: Oh, Carla, uh, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good. The cycle is broken!
Turk: Baby, all I'm saying is that in some European countries, it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress.
Carla: Why you-
(He kisses her again, and she fiercely pulls him to her.)
Turk: Mm! Mmmhhgh.
(Time lapse...)
Carla: I'm gonna make you pay for every word you said!
Turk: Worth it!
