Jack: I don’t know how to help Dean. He’s my best friend, and I’ve been avoiding him ‘cause I know I’m not who he wants to talk to today, but I want to help. I want to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ I want to throw back some beers with him and get him to laugh it off.
Ben: No, no.
Jack: I know.
Ben: But you don’t know. You don’t know this particular pain. You don’t know this ache. You don’t get it.
Jack: We work with cops on every call. There are a lot of good cops out there.
Ben: Definitely do not say that to him because yesterday you saw how some of those good cops treat Black men when they don’t have firefighter uniforms on. You had to see that. You had to see the difference.
Jack: So how do I help him?
Ben: Give him room. Don’t ask him to talk about his feelings, and don’t make him have to listen to yours. And don’t try to make him laugh. You’ve survived this long by finding humor in the hardships. You’ll know when he gets there. And don’t you try to get him there. If you try to get him there, that’s just dismissing his reality and disrespecting his experience. This is a big deal. Let him have his feelings. Stop avoiding him and just have his back like a friend. Just don’t make it about you.