I gotta stay serious. From now on the only movies Tracy Jordan makes are about the Holocaust, Georgia O'Keefe, or both.


Obesity is killing the African-American community...with laughter.


The symbol on the Jessup family crest is a knight refusing to talk about his feelings.


We Donaghys believe that when there is something at all delicate to talk about it is best to suppress it...until it erupts into a fist fight at a church barbecue.


I was going to bring dessert tomorrow, so are there any foods that are making you nauseous lately? Please don't say a half sleeve of Oreos.

Liz [to Avery]

Happy Holidays...is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas- Avery and Jack.


Pete: Ever since Tracy got nominated for a Golden Globe, he thinks he's Sean Penn.
Liz: Well they both have had screaming fights with Wyclef Jean.

It's my new thing, travel on Christmas Day. That way I avoid the annual Lemon family blow up, and this year it's going to be a doozy. My aunt Linda is bringing her new boyfriend who is neither her age nor her race, and her ex-husband will also be there with his date...alcoholism. I swoop in the next day for presents and pie.


I'm saying, adopting a dog so it can watch us make love and then returning it, claiming that it bit our imaginary child, is everything that I need, but if that's not enough for you tell me now.


Why can't we just paint each others' toe nails, watch vintage pornography, and then go to bed in our swing like a normal couple?


It was Harold, and I ate all of him. Even the face in case of a tie. I ate him sir! I ate my father pig!


I got other ideas...like a micro brewery that also serves frozen yogurt. I'm a call it, Microsoft.


30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Jenna: Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?
Jack: I'm an eleven, but continue.

I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.