Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Archer Quotes
Cheryl: You can't control a person's heart.
Krieger: You can with a little something I like to call a deep cycle marine battery... or LSD.
Archer: Ha ha ha, Ramon.
Ramon: And just why is that so funny.
Archer: Not that. Woodhouse, he's all tied up somewhere. Scared and alone. Ha ha ha, probably dehydrated.
Archer: What's his name?
Cheryl: Babou, but it should be buyer's remorse. Stupid thing's always sick.
So you just listen to me, Mr Man. Get me some video footage of hot man on man action by tonight, or don't bother coming home!
Malory
Lana: A non-circumcised Jewish guy, that's not weird to you?
Archer: No. Why would... I mean, I'm not Jewish, and I am circumcised so it can happen the other-
Lana: It doesn't work like that.
Archer: Lana come on. I think we both know it works fine.
Lana: Aw, come on! Not your dick, dumb ass!
And thanks Pam. Way to drag out a kidnapping. Now I'm late again. But this is a way better excuse than the train dwarf. Yuck.
Cheryl
Why was I dressed like Hitler?
Did you watch Regis this morning?
Armed with what? Pamphlets about Canada's responsible gun control laws?
Malory: We need a diversity hire.
Archer: I vote Asian chick!
Do you like to travel? Because if you don't find that bag, I will empty the entire contents of your body and use your leathery skin as a replacement.
Archer: Woah woah woah, I thought nobody else was supposed to know about this.
Malory: He won't remember.
Krieger: Yeah, no... I'm... I am shitfaced.
