Malory: Guess how many pygmies died cutting it down? Hint: six.

  • Permalink: Six.
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Who taught you to punch, your husband?

Pam

I am literally wet with jealousy.

Lana

Archer: What's his name?
Cheryl: Babou, but it should be buyer's remorse. Stupid thing's always sick.

And thanks Pam. Way to drag out a kidnapping. Now I'm late again. But this is a way better excuse than the train dwarf. Yuck.

Cheryl

Cheryl: Mopeds are fun but you don't want to let your buddies see you riding one.
Pam: I thought he meant I was fuel efficient. I had only had 10 ten beers.
Cheryl: 40s?
Pam: NO.... yes.

Pam: Zing! ... Wildly inappropriate.
Krieger: Seriously, Pam.
Pam: Okay, clone wars.
Krieger: Zing.

Cyril: Kriegers father's was a Nazi scientist.
Malory: And JFK's father was a bootlegger.
Cyril: What!? That's like comparing apples to Nazi oranges.

Archer: What have I been doing?
Lana: Chain smoking joints the size of tampons.
Archer: Eww.
Lana: Just a figure of speech.
Archer: Still, eww.

She's not gay, she just has big hands.

Well, first of all, you don't have to yell. I don't have ear cancer.

Now shut up and kick in the door for me. And do it bad ass like I would. If I still had toe nails.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?