He'll have an unexpected dinner guest, who, may be his son. And for dessert, we will have the truth. You hear that mother? After lifetimes of your secrets and lies, we will finally have the truth! Oh and hopefully shit loads of vodka.

Archer: Barry, wait, slow down!
Barry: Why?
Archer: So I can go past you!

So I can't stay for dinner. I assume that smell is cabbage and not just you two.

Barry: Your boots are slipping.
Archer: Probably because there's 200 pounds of asshole hanging from them
Barry: 183!
Archer: Whatever, fat boy. Tell that to my silk socks.
Barry: Why are you wearing silk socks?
Archer: Is that a joke?

Barry: He sodomized my fiancee.
Malory: You're still together?
Barry: Oh I'm sorry, ex-fiance. That's what I meant to say.
Malory: Then it wasn't it meant to be.

Malory: And if that's my pantsuit you're stretching out I'll have your guts for garters.
Gillette: You NEED some garters.

Oh, rocket launchers. My car is slowing down for no apparent reason. Just must be out of... carburetor


Can you not rub your dick in my mother's pantyhose, please?

Gillette: He's like a thousand.
Lana: You won't be having sex with him.
Gillette: Well, wait, he is a Duke.
Lana: No means no.

I've broken into way tougher places, right? Well, not without my turtleneck...

Archer: I have a plan that doesn't involve you stealing my toiletries.
Gillette: You're not using them.
Archer: Yes, I am
Gillette: Go look at your pores and then tell me you're using them

Why was he dressed as Hitler?


Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?