Bob's Burgers
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXBob's Burgers Quotes
Louise: I say we leave out of the fire escape, find a new house, find a new Gene, and never look back.
Bob: Uh, maybe.
Linda: Bob!
Bob: Sorry, I mean, poor Gene.
Linda: I was at the vagina-cologist in the waiting room reading that parenting magazine "Modern Swaddling," and it said you're supposed to play classical music for babies to stimulate their brains and stuff! We never exposed you to any classical music when you were babies, just a bunch of Billy Joel. You have baby Billy Joel brains!
Gene: But you did expose us to a lot of your Uptown Girls. Bosoms.
Louise: Well, how are we supposed to concentrate at school anyway? We're in the middle of a pinworm epidemic. There are pinworms crawling through kids' stomachs, laying eggs in their anuses, and I'm supposed to be able to think about what two plus two equals?
Bob: Wait, is that what you're being taught in math right now?
Louise: Butt worms, Dad! That's what I'm being taught!
Bob: But I thought you guys were washing your hands like all the time?
Louise: It's Gene, Dad. He is not a clean child. Remember that week we thought he had a sunburn but it was really hot wing sauce all over the back of his neck? For three days!
Linda: I failed you kids. If you grow up dumb, it's my fault.
Louise: I mean, it's not like Dad brought a ton to the table.
Gene: A distinct odor?
Bob: Okay, thank you.
I love the fact that you're a millionaire but your car looks like crap.
Rubber Band Squeezy Ball
Bob: Twenty percent off an oil change -- we're probably supposed to be getting those.
Teddy: When was the last time you got one?
Bob: Last year, or, um, maybe the year before. I mean, definitely since Louise was born.
Bob: I wanted to put the key on my key chain to be responsible, but I realized I left my keys in the car.
Louise: That way your car's just ready to go!
Okay, either I'm actually tiny and I'm in my glove compartment and I should maybe be a superhero, or I'm dreaming because I'm a sleepy middle-aged man and I fall asleep a lot.
You're abandoning Team Belcher?! How can you do that to us?! You're a Belcher-dict Arnold!
Louise
Half bumper car, half go-kart, ALL BALLS!
Critter
Tina: Maybe Mom and Dad would sponsor a go-kart if it was advertising for the restaurant.
Louise: They can't even support their electric bill.
