Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCBrooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Terry: What were you thinking? Breeding guinea pigs at work?
Charles: We weren't breeding them on purpose. They're just very sexual creatures and we didn't want to slut-shame them!
Rosa: Yeah. Sorry, you're not more sex-positive Terry.
Rosa: I spent years telling myself that their tough love made me stronger, but you know what I really wish they'd done?
Debbie: What?
Rosa: Been nice to me. I wish they would've told me that I made a mistake, but they still loved me. And they would help me try to figure it out. It would've saved me a lot of pain. Debbie, you have made some really bad choices today.
Margaret: Really bad.
Jake: Not now, Debbie's mom.
Rosa: You are not a bad person. If we get out of this alive, I promise you I will help you however I can.
Amy: It's my guide finger. It got paper burn.
Holt: Let me see. Santiago, you're hurt. Don't be a hero!
Jake: So, he threatened you? That's why you went dirty?
Debbie: No. He offered me a million dollars. I had no choice. My dad is really sick and he needed this expensive experimental surgery.
They know the drugs are missing. They don't suspect me because I'm playing it super cool.
Debbie
Holt: Everyone's a suspect.
Rosa: Except for Hitchcock and Scully. Whoever did it took the stairs.
I'm sorry I messed things up. I'm just not cut out for this high-stakes world of having friends.
Debbie
Amy: You're pretty hurt, huh?
Jake: Yeah! It's exciting. I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit. I mean sure I can't lift my arms but Seabiscuit won without even having arms.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Jake: I don't know, I fell. We're already married, it doesn't matter.
Holt: Count me in. I could really use this day off to spend some time with my husband.
Rosa: Please, we all have loved ones. You're not getting any sympathy 'cause you're gay.
Jake: Rosa, I don't think he was--
Holt: No I was. She saw right through me.
Charles: Debbie, I was once like you. A bashful beat cop with long, curly hair and no confidence at all.
Debbie: That's impossible. You're so suave.
Charles: It's my time to shine. It's my Greatest Showman moment.
Jake: Charles, you can't.
Charles: You know who else they told you can't? Lettie Lutz, bearded lady. Then Mr. Barnum gave her a stage. Give me my stage, Jacob.
Jake: Wait, so you're the bearded lady?
Charles: No, I'm Barnum, you're Zac Efron and everyone else is one of my freaks!
Terry: Actually, I wanna record them. Maybe you can teach other precincts how to throw their own versions to boost morale.
Jake: No, I'm not a teacher! I'm a class-clown-slash-bad-boy with a heart of gold.
