I love you, Rebecca - I shoulda said, 'I love you.' (Throws up into a garbage can.)

Greg

Rebecca (to Josh): I moved here for you. The second I saw you on the street in New York, I just knew you were the answer to all my problems. I lost sight of it for a minute but now I know for sure. This is our moment Josh Chan. I'm so excited that our love story can finally begin!
[Title Card]: CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND!

I'm sorry he blew it. I know that he cares, it's just Greg - it's who he is.

White Josh (to Rebecca)

This night's gotten pretty off track. This isn't us. This isn't how we are.

Rebecca (to Greg)

You know, for the last few months, I thought Rebecca Bunch was our problem, but it's not. It's you.

Valencia (to Josh)

I'm just afraid you're going to get hurt. I've known Greg since I was five, and I love the dude, but he's complicated. He quits on things as soon as they get hard. Did you know he wanted to be a professional dodge-ball player? And we're not even allowed to ask him about that now!

Josh

White Josh: You sure we're supposed to be wearing tuxes dude?
Darryl: We are here to celebrate love and we're gonna do it at a 10, am I right?
White: Yeah, we're fancy! (to no one) Deal with it!

Rebecca: Did you fart?
Greg: Yeah, I did. I ate a bean burrito out of the freezer from the nineties, cause I don't care. And, uh...I have a candle, do you want, I have a triple wick, I can get...I don't care though.

Greg's Dad: Oh, come on. This is fear talking. You're just afraid she's gonna hurt you again.
Greg: I know what I need to do. I need to be, like, the uncaring bad boy.
Greg's Dad: Oh my god, you're an idiot.

After I saw Josh in the hospital, I realized she always goes back to him. I'm just the guy she settles for.

Greg

If you think you are over Josh, you're fooling yourself.

Paula

They have boundary issues.

Greg (about Rebecca and Paula)

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Quotes

Rebecca: Where are you from again?
Josh: West Covina, California. 91791!
Rebecca: West Covina, I remember that. That's near the beach, right?
Josh: Yeah, only two hours...well, four in traffic.

Dear God, I don't pray to you because I believe in science. But I don't know what to do. Give me guidance, please. Ah-men. A-men. Amen?

Rebecca Bunch