Trent: Cristela, it may have all worked out, but my opinion of you isn't what it was.
Cristela: I get it, but I'm still walking out of here knowing I did the right thing. And I'm leaving fifty cents on the desk. Wink, wink.

Cristela: You picked a name after me? Even though I almost didn't make it here?
Henry: Yeah, because you always look out for me. And I know it sounds corny, but I feel safe when you're around. It's part of the speech I'm gonna give.

Cristela: It just doesn't make sense, ya know? I mean, it bothered you when your dad wasn't around because he was always at the office, I mean, right?
Maddie: No.
Cristela: Why not?
Maddie: Well, I knew if he wasn't around he was making money, so I wouldn't have to work a day in my life.
Cristela: You're working right now.
Maddie: Am I Cristela?

Henry, for every second you make God wait, he makes you wait a year in purgatory!


Cristela: So, how important is this press conference, cause it's at the same time as my nephew's confirmation.
Trent: Ah, you can go to the next one.
Cristela: Actually, it's a ceremony that only happens once. It's not like a marriage.

Josh: Check it out, new pair of sneakers, some protein packs. I got a real shot at winning this thing.
Cristela: Josh, it's a walk-a-thon, not a race.
Josh: Well, when it comes to walking, you don't want to step to me. Did I just talk trash?
Cristela: Well, it sounded like garbage.

Hey, I got this. After the walk-a-thon, I'll go to church. You know, that's what I do. I work hard and I pray hard. Everything in my life is hard.

But this suit is so itchy! How does Ellen DeGeneres do it?


Izzie, I didn't practice enough and I didn't get in. I mean, no pressure, but it ruined my life.

Natalia: Why do you have my egg timer? You don't know how to make eggs.
Cristela: Yeah I do. You know it's not really the challenge you make it out to be.

Trent: There's an opening in the mail room.
Josh: Oh wow, what happened, sir?
Trent: I fired somebody for being too nosey. Anymore questions?

Natalia: Men don't like women who are too smart.
Daniela: But men have always liked me.
Natalia: I know, you're just right.

Cristela Quotes

Felix: If you were my wife, I would put poison in your coffee.
Cristela: If you were my husband, I'd drink it.

Cristela says cheerleaders are bimbos.