Let's put it in perspective. I know you had a hard road to get here but I bet it wasn't as hard as your mom's.

Josh [to Cristela]

Maddie: Mail's here! Come and get it! This job is pretty easy.
Josh: Yup! Nothing's that hard if your just willing to do it terribly.

Love your kids. Be proud of your kids. You know what my mother did? She fed us. Almost everyday.


Trent: Veronica!
Veronica: Veronica's bitch.
Trent: What brings you here? Isn't the daylight a problem for you people?

Natalia: Why can't you just respect your father?
Cristela: Because I've never met the man!

Cristela: I am saving your marriage because I believe in til death do us part.
Veronica: Well I could kill him if that'd make it easier for you.

Our life was a fairy-tale because you picked me, not because you settled for me.

Daniela [to Felix]

Felix: Cristela, what are you doing?
Cristela: Nothing. You know you've ruined marriage for me, because I'm not willing to settle for anything less than what you guys have.

Cristela, a good marriage is what's best for the people in it, ya know? If being together means always being apart, well then sometimes it's just nice knowing that there's someone out there that's connected to you. That you're not alone.


Natalia: You stop yelling at your sister!
Cristela: I yell at her because I love her. And that's what we do, right?
Daniela: Well, I love you too!
Cristela: Good!
Natalia: Well, I love both of you. And I'm going to my room now because all of this love is giving me another headache!
Cristela: No you're not! You are going to stay here and we are going to watch this pretty woman die!

Natalia: Ah, what is wrong with Julia Roberts?
Cristela: She is very, very sick.
Natalia: But she is a steel magnolia. I know she will pull through.
Cristela: Well, if she had Jackie Chan's tuxedo, she might pull through.

Daniela: Good. And Mom loves Julia Roberts.
Cristela: Ah no, you love Julia Roberts. Mom loves Jackie Chan.
Natalia: Oh, The Tuxedo! It was so funny. I like him because he has an accent just like me.

Cristela Quotes

Felix: If you were my wife, I would put poison in your coffee.
Cristela: If you were my husband, I'd drink it.

Cristela says cheerleaders are bimbos.