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Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock. The haddock offered him three wishes in return for its life. The fisherman said, “I’d like for my son to come home from the war. And a hundred pieces of gold.” The problem is, the magic haddock, like robots, don’t think like people. The fisherman’s son came home from the war, in a coffin. And the king sent a hundred gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. The fisherman had one wish left. What do you think he wished for? Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series of wishes, but if your city proves anything, it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. [...] In fact, the fisherman wished he hadn’t wished the first two wishes.

The Doctor

The Doctor: What’s the opposite of a massacre?
Bill: What?
The Doctor: In my experience? A lecture.

Bill: Where are you going?
The Doctor: No idea. But if I look purposeful, they’ll think I’ve got a plan. If they think I’ve got a plan, at least they won’t try to think of a plan themselves!

You don’t call the helpline because you *are* the helpline.

Bill

Bill: Where are you going?!
The Doctor: It’s a giant smiley abattoir over there, and I’ve a very childish impulse to BLOW IT UP! Be right back!

The Doctor: Okay. I suppose I owe you an explanation. A long time ago, a thing happened. As a result of the thing, I made a promise. As a result of the promise, I have to stay on Earth.
Bill: Guarding a vault.
The Doctor: Guarding a vault!
Bill: Well, you’re not guarding the vault right now.
The Doctor: Yes, I am! I have a time machine! I can be back before we left!

Bill: So. Back up to your office for a cuppa, then?
The Doctor: Between here and my office, before the kettle boils, is everything that ever happened or ever will!

Nardole [sees Bill]: Why is she here?
The Doctor: Because she isn’t anywhere else.

Nardole: Excuse me? What *is* the TARDIS doing down here?
The Doctor: I’m over two thousand years old. I don’t always want to take the stairs.

You don’t “steer” the TARDIS! You *negotiate* with her! The still point between where you want to go and where you need to be. That’s where she takes you.

The Doctor

I’m not stupid, you know. You don’t think anyone’s seen a movie? I know what a *mind wipe* looks like!

Bill

Bill: What changed your mind?
The Doctor: Time.
Bill: Time?
The Doctor: And Relative Dimension In Space. It means, “What the hell?”.

TV Fanatic tracks quotes for Doctor Who. That's right, we have an entire Doctor Who quotes page that spans multiple episodes and multiple seasons. Heck, it even spans multiple Doctors (they regenerate don't you know) and different companions and companions companions. Sometimes the Doctor Who quotes are funny and sometimes the Doctor Who quotes are inspirational. There are even intellectual Doctor Who Quotes and Doctor Who Quotes that will make you scratch your head. The main idea here is that you can find every type of Doctor Who quote on this page. If you discover a Doctor Who quote is missing, you can contact us and we'll add that bad boy right into the Doctor Who quotes page so you never need to look elsewhere for your favorites again. We take this seriously. Really. So drop by any time and get the best quotes from Peter Capaldi and Matt Smith and Jenna Coleman and all the rest of the characters who have brightened our days for so long all the world over. Right her with Doctor Who quotes!

Doctor Who Quotes

Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock. The haddock offered him three wishes in return for its life. The fisherman said, “I’d like for my son to come home from the war. And a hundred pieces of gold.” The problem is, the magic haddock, like robots, don’t think like people. The fisherman’s son came home from the war, in a coffin. And the king sent a hundred gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. The fisherman had one wish left. What do you think he wished for? Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series of wishes, but if your city proves anything, it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. [...] In fact, the fisherman wished he hadn’t wished the first two wishes.

The Doctor

Hunger looks very much like evil from the other end of the cutlery. Do you think your bacon sandwich loves you back?

The Doctor