I want to thank God. I want to thank the Lord God because It is really not up to me, it is up to him and I want to thank the devil too because you know that is why God is there. He is minding the fence to make sure that guy never comes back. You know if it weren't for the devil God had probably gone insane blowing he's brains out from boredom. Everybody likes to feel useful. Make a da world go around. Back to you Tom.

Peter

• Permalink: I want to thank God. I want to thank the Lord God because It is ...
• Added: December 02, 2009

Peter: (In the bathroom) Could you bring me a towel? I threw up on the floor.
Tom Brady: Sure.
Peter: And could you bring me another towel? I also threw up on this gentleman's bare lap.
Man: Could you wet the towel a bit?
Peter: Wet the towel, Tom?

• Permalink: (In the bathroom) Could you bring me a towel? I threw up on the ...
• Added: December 02, 2009

Stewie: How 'bout we let bygones be bygones,hmm?
Brian: You shot me in both my knees, then lit me on fire, Piss off.

• Permalink: How 'bout we let bygones be bygones,hmm? You shot me in both m...
• Added: December 02, 2009

Chris: Mom, there's no water in the toilet.
Lois: First of all Chris, it's called a loo. Second, there's no water in it because everyone here just uses Elizabeth Hurley.
Chris: Alright, well, where is she, 'cause I need her now!

• Permalink: Mom, there's no water in the toilet. First of all Chris, it's ...
• Added: December 02, 2009

Uh-oh. Either my esophagus just got shorter, or I'm about to throw up.

Peter

• Permalink: Uh-oh. Either my esophagus just got shorter, or I'm about to thr...
• Added: December 02, 2009

Tom Tucker: Coming up next, America's hottest new curse word: "kleeman". We'll tell you what it means right after this.

• Permalink: Kleeman. We'll tell you what it means right after this.
• Added: December 02, 2009