Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 1 Quotes
Meg: Nice going, Mom. I finally get my driver's licence, and you lose the car to a poker machine? How ironic!
Peter: Hey, don't talk to your mother like that! She is not an i-ron
You have anything lower on that remote than mute?
Brian [watching Happy Days]
Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE2
Lois: Now you shouldn't be frightened Stewie. What you saw was actually a very beautiful thing.
Stewie: Evidentally, madame, you and I differ greatly in our conception of beauty. Because what I just witnessed was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls!
Lois: Stewie, mommies and daddies like to hug each other that way. In fact sweetie, that's sort of how you were created.
Stewie: Oh! That is a vile and odious lie! How dare you fill my head with such loathesome propaganda! Get out you horrid woman! Get out!
Lois: Meg, you're a sweet, beautiful girl, he'll come around.
Meg: That's such a mom answer.
Lois: Well, have you tried showing him the goods? How's that for a mom answer?
Meg: Creepy
I just suggested a line of handicapable toys - ya know, to show the kids the fun of being physically challenged
Joe
You're not supposed to admire wheelchair people. You're supposed to feel sorry for them
Peter
Lois: They might be very nice people.
Peter: Very nice people, yeah that's what they always say. Then you open up the septic tank and BAM, skeleton city
Mr. Weed: Unfortunately, Johnson isn't here to pitch today, his wife is in labor.
Peter: Oh what, is the baby coming out of him? Jeez, I'll pitch
Joe: Say, do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?
Peter: Man, you neighbors are like viruses, starts with a screwdriver, then before you know it you're using my supermarket, dry cleaner, even my postman
Peter: Boy, I got myself into a real situation, didn't I? But don't worry, I've got a plan to get us out of this!
Brian: Oh, good, I was afraid you were just going to improvise.
Peter: Oh, well actually I was gonna use the little girl as a human shield and run like hell! But uh, yeah, improvise. That'll be easier on my back
Bonnie: The movers tracked grease all over my carpet. I tried everything to get the stain out.
Lois: What about lemon juice?
Bonnie: Oh, what about club soda?
Stewie: What about shutting the hell up?