This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

• Permalink: This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care...
• Added: November 08, 2015

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Chris

• Permalink: I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.
• Added: November 08, 2015

TV is how stupid losers spend their time.

Peter

• Permalink: TV is how stupid losers spend their time.
• Added: November 08, 2015

We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.

Quagmire

• Permalink: We're a team like fish and chips and fat guys.
• Added: November 08, 2015

I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

Peter

• Permalink: I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.
• Added: October 25, 2015

If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.

Quagmire

• Permalink: If cellphones worked, every movie would be two minutes long.
• Added: October 25, 2015

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

Peter

• Permalink: What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.
• Added: October 25, 2015

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

Peter

• Permalink: I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.
• Added: October 25, 2015

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

• Permalink: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.
• Added: October 11, 2015

It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.

Stewie

• Permalink: It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.
• Added: October 11, 2015

Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

Peter

• Permalink: Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?
• Added: October 11, 2015

So I was wondering why this tampon commerical was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of Sex and The City

Brian

• Permalink: So I was wondering why this tampon commerical was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of...
• Added: October 11, 2015