Chris: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's NOT for son, and then you'll understand why I can never go back to Seaworld

• Permalink: Dad, what's the blowhole for? I'll tell you what it's NOT for ...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Can't we eat yet? I'm so hungry I could ride a horse. I don't get it. Well, I guess I could ride him to the store

Chris

• Permalink: Can't we eat yet? I'm so hungry I could ride a horse. I don't ge...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Director [to Lois]: You got a nice wiggle, baby. You wanna be in a movie, huh? A little girl/girl action maybe?
Lois: Peter!
Peter: Good luck buddy, I've been barkin' up that tree for 17 years

• Permalink: You got a nice wiggle, baby. You wanna be in a movie, huh? A lit...
• Added: October 14, 2009

I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darnest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Stewie

• Permalink: I was under the impression the name of the show was Kids Say the...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!

• Permalink: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of? Sunshine and f...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk

Stewie

• Permalink: Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrub...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Look at me, having sex with a pig! I've become my father!

Stewie

• Permalink: Look at me, having sex with a pig! I've become my father!
• Added: October 14, 2009

Jasper: You like sex in the city?
Brian: I don't watch that show.
Jasper: I wasn't talking about the show. Ooh, I'm nasty! (Imitates foghorn) Someone put me out to sea!

• Permalink: You like sex in the city? I don't watch that show. I wasn't ...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up

Brian

• Permalink: Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more shut th...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Meg: Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret!
Brian: Here's a hint: Put down the fork!

• Permalink: Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret!...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die fifty years before I do

Peter

• Permalink: Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die ...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Rehab Counselor: I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot.
Peter: Yeah, well I don't pay you to think, hot lips, in fact, I don't pay you at all...

• Permalink: I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot. Yeah,...
• Added: October 14, 2009