Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 3 Quotes
Stewie: So Olivia... beautiful day.
Olivia: You're not gonna fart again are you?
Stewie: Well I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch
Lois: So Meg, did any of the neighbors see Jeff come over?
Meg: Mom! Come one Jeff, let's go in other room.
Lois: Now Meg, no need to get so testes, uh testy. Nuts, I mean crap!
Lois: Hey Brian... you're home early. What happened with your date?
Brian: Same thing that always happens, she was an idiot
Pearl: What is this, spit soup?
Brian: Tomato bisque.
Pearl: What is this, snot soup?
Brian: Tomato bisque.
Pearl: What is this, diarrhea soup?
Stewie: Ah-hah! So they do make bigger diapers. That deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet! Well, fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all. I've seen it sitting in there: lazy, slothful, porcelain lay-about, feeding on other people's doo doos while contributing nothing of its own to society. You get a job!
Quagmire: Hey, maybe we should set him up with another lemon snow cone, eh?
Peter: Oh thanks, the last one you gave me didn't taste like lemon at all. It tasted like...oh you guys are asses!
Peter: Ahh crap, since when did they change the meaning of for to from?
Brian: I think they had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card but it said for Peter on it, so you must have thought it was from you so you didn't uh.... you know it's just easier to call you stupid
Peter: As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.
Bob: Outrageous, How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something.
Man: Bob, there's nothing you can do.
Bob: Well I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humour
By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-a and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins
Stewie
Peter: What the hell did you do?
Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk
Lois: Brian, you're not wearing the sweater I made you.
Brian: Well, y'know, it's a little warm in here...
Lois: "Don we now our gay apparel."
Brian: It doesn't get much gayer than this
Brian: You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve?
Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air conditioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?