Lawrence: You rockin’ a purse?
Chad: It’s my fiancé purse!

Issa: We ARE dating! You guys, this is my girlfriend!
Molly: Nope, nope, nope, Issa, get off me, my man might be here!

You trying to Annalise Keaton your coworkers seems stressful as fuck, but good for you, girl!


Issa: You’re taking me to real-ass Mexico for real-ass Mexican food?
Molly: No girl, I’m not your man.
Issa: That’s just what a shady bitch would say.

Lawrence: That was actually my last meeting.
Issa: You have time for coffee?

Girl, what is so crazy about buying fake desserts to bring to Andrew so I can see if Nathan's home?


Or what about when you told Nathan all those weird facts about camels? Damn, I forgot about that.


Issa: I hope we didn't wake you guys up!
Andrew: At 6 pm?

Issa: Ooh! what if I did a New Orleans theme! You think the city would just turn a blind eye to people drinking in the street?

Moly: No girl. That’s how you get arrested.

Do these cupcakes say “Congratulations on your light-skinned baby"? Right? Cause it’s all light. Every layer is light.


Issa: Kelli, shut up! You dont even go to church.
Kelli: I go on important days! Like when I come back from Miami—the Lord knows I get turnt!

The point is, you are single. You are VERY single. You are so single that a tumbleweed just rolled out of your pussy.


Insecure Quotes

Molly: Whatchu got in here? Yes! A Capri-Sun! You know my heart.
Issa: Oh, no no no, girl--those are for passengers only.

We need to decide whether we're friends who don't have sex or acquaintances who just have sex. Because anything otherwise is a little muddy, and I need boundaries.